My Thoughts Exactly.

I came across a bunch of these yesterday and they perfectly describe me, my life, and exactly how I feel. They could have come straight from my heart so here they are. My back is also getting worse now,too, not only the lower back but now starting to move up as well to incl. my mid-back now too, and for the past 2 weeks or so I don't have much of an appetite either and have to practically force myself to eat and I've skipped lunch every day because I'm just not hungry which is odd for me. I remember I was like this before too when I had liver failure when I was prego with the 14 YR old. I'm glad I didn't die on Christmas though as I can just imagine my mother blaming me, This is just like her! I bet she even did it on 'purpose' and died today just to ruin everyone's Christmas!

I also had these weird dreams as well: one that an old friend professed his love for me and even went to my hubby and told him I'm in love with your wife and I want her to come with me (and he was glad and basically told him good luck) which is funny because no one loves me except for my dog; not even my own family; not even my own mother, my hubby, or even my kids. I also had a dream I saw my old friend D( from grade 6 thru highschool  until I moved to L.A at 17)and she was the only one that didn't turn on me in Jr.High and join the bullies in tormenting me but remained loyal and still stayed my friend right thru and I am so grateful for that)and told her I'm coming back to Riverdale(our highschool)tomorrow! I moved back to our old house, (my old Toronto house) you know, the one we used to hang out at! and she was happy and said Yay!

I also thought I smelled dead mice but it actually turned out to just be my mother cooking turnip and I joked that after my lifetime of having to endure all her rank, rancid, fetid gross stenches( turnip, broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, liver,etc) that make me gag and nauseous now it's finally my 'turn" and I can stink up the place and gross her out now with my weed smell! HA!

The other day the 27 YR old also made some comment about me waddling by and it really hurt.I'm a "sensitive" person anyway by nature and after years of bullying, abuse, criticism, belittling,rejection, etc.and no self-esteem it really "gets" to me and wears me down and chip away at me and just makes me feel even worse and makes me hate myself even more. Why are they always so mean to me?

I also saw the perfect name foe tyranny going on with all the COVID restrictions, lockdowns, mandates, segregation, etc: COVIDian Regime. That sums it up perfectly. It's like some sort of brainwashed cult. Now they're locking up people in the old-age homes again too, not letting them go out or allowing visitors in; they're like prisoners and they won't die of COVID but of isolation and loneliness. it's just beyond heartless and cruel.

I also realized that people who say Just get 'over' it have never truly experience trauma.

I came across this as well and it might explain my symptoms: 

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome:

It's a rare inherited genetic connective tissue disorder where your collagen is faulty and symptoms incl. flexible joints, stretchy skin, easy bruising, heavy bleeding, slow wound healing, extreme scarring, bone, muscle,and joint pain, migraines, seizures, high narrow arched palate, autism spectrum, gastro issues, incl. IBS and Divurticulitis, varicose veins, osteoarthritis, fatigue, thin lips(like I had before my injections years ago; I barely even had a top lip!)etc. all of which I have,and the problems and risks associated with it as a result are heart issues, aneurysms that can rupture and are fatal, and stroke. To have the more common one you inherit a gene from 1 parent and to inherit the more serious one you have to inherit a gene from both parents.It does sound highly suspicious and highly likely, so I wonder if I finally found the answer I've been searching for at long last?

"The obedient always think of themselves as virtuous, rather than cowardly." - Robert Anton Wilson