Poisoned?

The thought occurred to me that maybe the cause of all my symptoms( stomach and abdomenal pain, fatigue, foggy mind, seizures, diarrhrea,nausea, liver and kidney failure,all-over body pain and cramps)etc. may be due to poisoning, esp. since Buddy also  has bloody diarrhrea as well and when mine is worse he also has it at the same time, as if whatever's causing mine is also causing his, and I do always share my food with him, so either we're both being poisoned(our food or drink being tampered) or I am and he gets it indirectly when I share my food with him? I know it sounds crazy, but the doctors have never been able to find a medical cause for my seizures, for example, and now I also noticed I have these lines and ridges on every one of my fingernails called Mee's Lines  that are a symptom of arsenic poisoning and that's what really  got me suspicious and wondering; before that I just assumed it was gastro-related. I know it sounds crazy and paranoid but knowing my family and how they hate me, abuse me and want me gone it's not entirely beyond the realm of possibility either and I remember that time my hubby did mention how he poisoned my drinks for my life insurance $$$$  and with him you never really quite know if he's joking or not and I wouldn't put it past him...

If so, now the question is who  is doing it and how, and my pain and Buddy's bloody diarrhrea has been extra bad the past week, and my first guess would be my hubby,but it could also be my mother or the 14 YR old, but then again it's often the one you least expect as well, and that would be the 27 YR old, and even though he's the one I get along the best with he still can be cruel to me, just not as much or as frequently as the others, and my past of being hurt, betrayed, used, lied to, and abandoned by everyone I've ever trusted, loved or been close to as well as being persecuted by an enemy naturally makes me wary and suspicious by nature; it's my natural instinct,plus the fact that my toxic family does make it very clear their disdain and disregard for me, but the question is how? Is someone putting my eyedrops, for example, which are poison,into my food or drink? Or antifreeze, or rat poison, or even the old-fashioned way of boiling sticky hanging fly traps to extract the poison,or what? The other day it was unusual that my hubby got me a hamburger I thought was odd as he never gets me food but now it really makes me wonder.... I'm ready to die but to be deliberately be poisoned by someone in my own family  is just the worst  betrayal ever and really hurts! I'll never be ready for Buddy to die though; that will utterly destroy  me and the one thing that hurt me the most and just gutted me was when I "lost" the 18 YR old, esp. since I loved her so much and we used to be so close before and then when she shut me out it just broke me but I am grateful for the more than the decade we had, as nothing lasts forever, and certainly not happiness and love, esp. not for me.

I also found this hot guy.Just because.You're welcome.😘

My friend D from the old church also said I should "Come 'back' to God and He's waiting and He always will be" and that hurt because I never went away from Him in the first place; I never left,I just left the church, which is man-made religion, but I never left God or my trust,worship and faith in God and there's a difference and it's only because of God that I'm still here, it's just certain aspects of the church and beliefs that I don't agree with and don't feel right to me and I felt like a hypocrite going every week just "going thru the motions" when I don't really belive in what I'm doing and I can't just do things "halfway"; it has to be all or nothing; I go in all the way and in my faith I have to believe it all with my entire heart and soul or else it's not genuine, and my mother said, I hope Santa brings me some suspenders for Christmas...(because her pants are always falling down) and I told her Santa isn't real, so if she's waiting for him she's going to be waiting for a long time, and I saw this thing online that said you get a lifetime supply of the last thing you drank too and mine was Metamucil! HA! Doesn't that figure?

Draw thy breath in pain to tell my story-Hamlet.