On Saturday we had the weirdest winter storm ever, only it wasn't a snowstorm like you'd expect but a rare December thunderstorm with 100 km winds, torrential rain, thunder and lightning! The sky was also pink and there was just this really weird, strange, overall eerie feeling and about 45 minutes before my dog was really agitated and kept pacing sensing something was wrong,and the sun was even out, the calm before the storm and you could hear the wind banging against the windows and it blew everything all over, incl. knocking down our 2 illuminated Christmas lights 3-4 foot snowmen on the lawn,they were knocked right over backwards laying on their backs and they looked dead, like they'd been shot, and there were debris strewn all over, chairs and tree branches etc. and our power flickered a few times we thought it would go off(luckily I have lots of candles if so)luckily it never did here but it did for thousands of others in the area and elsewhere, incl. my hubby's friend in Toronto where a tree fell down and knocked out hydro wires and he had no power for over 11 hours, and with that wind(and it's still been really windy for the past 3 days,too) I was sure that there must be a tornado somewhere and we were getting the tail-end of the wind, and there was; a series of really bad ones in Kentucky and my Facebook friend C (who used to live here and moved to USA) her granddaughter lives near one of the areas hit but luckily is ok but another one, A, lost her entire house( shown in the photos here) so it was a really bad one and over 100 people were killed,too.Just horrific and tragic, and even more so at this time of year,too. Ironically as I was hunkering down inside and watching the storm raging outside and watching the trees banging against the window I was listening to REO Speedwagon's song Waiting The Storm Out which was playing on the radio at the time.It's also a metaphor for my life.
My Metamucil twice a day is also helping as well; I don't feel as "full", clogged or backed-up like I used to but I feel like my colon can empty istself more fully now, and Buddy was wagging his tail so furiously he hit and knocked off an ornament off the Christmas tree too and it went flying and yesterday he was sulking,pouting and ignoring me sitting on his chair facing away from me shunning me because I wouldn't let him chase mice, and the other day he had this sad, empty, sorrowful, lost look in his eyes as well I've never seen before and it broke my heart and made me think he probably doesn't have too much time left, and my family says I always "make everything worse", "get in the way" "start drama" etc. so hopefully soon I'll be gone too and then they'll be rid of me and be happy and I also found a needle ( 1 inch or so)in my pre-made turkey, havarti and cranberry wrap I had saved in the fridge (and I had my name on it so no one would steal it)yesterday too; I bit into it and felt something sharp poke my mouth so I took it out to check and found a needle, so I know I'm NOT just "imagining" it or being "paranoid"; someone really is trying to kill me and I thought it was strange too how originally the 14 YR old brought me the wrap as I was at my computer( he never brings me anything and I never ask the kids to bring me stuff; they're not my slaves and I always get my own stuff) and I told him it was my mother's he accidently got(I had mine in the fridge to save for a snack later) as it had bacon in it but now it all makes sense...I had always thought it was my hubby but maybe it's the 14 YR old which is actually even worse and even more disturbing...
The 14 YR old also was waving around this big Toblerone chocolate bar saying Who wants this? and I joked if he gave it to me that he'd be my "favourite child today" and he said he doesn't want to be my fave. and said something about him being my least fave. and I told him that my least fave. doesn't even live here anymore and he was telling me to shut-up again too and I told him I'm sick of him and his mouth and disrespect and my mother yelled at me in response that she's sick of me always complaining so they think it's OK to disrespect me and abuse me and treat me like utter shit and I'm expected to just take it and accept it and NOT say anything and when I do I'm the problem? I can't even speak up and defend myself? My hubby also was taunting me saying the Edmonton Boys were watching,and like, football and he's happy they've become rednecks now despite MY best efforts to dissuade them and expecting more and better and higher standards for my kids and I'm really disappointed, and the 20 YR old always says all my lifetime of bad luck, misfortune, struggles, traumas, everything always going wrong, not working out or ever going right, etc. is Bad Karma too, punishment for being a shitty person, but what if she's right? What if I really am such a horrible, awful, terrible person (only I just don't see it) even God can't love me? Or have I just been so "conditioned" by a lifetime of constant abuse, rejection and bullying that they've convinced me to believe that about myself now,too? other people also look up at mountains and marvel at their beauty and majesty and I'm wondering how many people jumped off and committed suicide.
Wednesday's Child is full of woe.
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