Get A Life Asshole.

The other day me, with my autism, accidently upset and offended a Facebook friend and it made me feel really badly because it wasn't my intention and I didn't mean it; I just merely asked a question out of curiousity and as usual it got taken the wrong way and people thought I was being rude and they all ganged-up on me and shamed me and attacked me and made me feel like shit and hate myself even more. It happens all the time because I just don't have that "filter" that alerts me as to what I can and cannot ask or say that is socially acceptable; I just say what I'm thinking and ask what I want to know and can't tell which is ok and which isn't and it always ends up getting me into alot of trouble. This time it was with my prego friend and she said she's going to name her baby after his father and I asked why isn't she going to give her baby his own name and identity and she got soooo mad which surprised me and people replied to me get a life asshole! Block the bitch! How rude! None of your business! etc. and I felt really bad because I didn't mean to upset her or be the target of attack; I was just genuinely curious because I think naming your kid after yourself is just vain and robs them of their own individual identity and what if later on they end up splitting up and then she's stuck with a kid with the same name as her ex, a forever reminder, plus his name is George and who wants to saddle their kid with a name like George? In any case I apologized profusely and explained I meant no offence and so far she hasn't blocked me or de-friended me and I'm glad as I want to see how the 'story ends" with her baby and every time I get blocked or de-friended it's just another rejection and I've just had so many in my life and they all add up and make me feel even worse about myself and make me hate myself even more and I ask God to forgive me for being me.

I also posted a reply to my friend A's (from Ottawa) post about a tennis player being denied entry to Australia for a tounament due to not having the Mark Of The Beast  even though he had a vaccine exemption and they should have honoued it and I said Australia is  one of the most Fascist tyrannical dystopian COVIDianRegimes and he condescendingly said to me that I obviously have no idea what Fascism is and I can't just 'toss' the word around like that; I bet he thinks because he's a lawyer he's soooo smart and smarter than everyone else and knows everything and no one else knows anything and that's generally the problem with smart people(my hubby is the exact same!) they dismiss opinions of people like me and don't think that other people have any valid contributions or opinions but it is  the same restrictions, mandates, and oppression that the Nazis imposed in WWII and they were Fascists so if he can't see that then he's NOT as smart as he thinks he is.He ended up de-friending me which hurts as I';ve known him for over 30 years but if he's going to be like that I'm better off. Who needs people like that,anyway?It's also very frustrating that so many people are such dumb blind sheeple  and won't wake up and see what's really going on and how easy they can be brainwashed and give up their freedoms!

I also got locked out of my Twitter account yesterday for posting the above and received the above message and I had to delete it which was "admitting" I violated the rules which I didn't as the rules were against violence, hate-speech, threats, bullying, terrorism, etc, which it wasn't but to appeal it is some big long process and I just wanted my account back so I deleted it as it was the quickest easiest way and I just re-posted basically the same thing in another way(I will NOT be silenced) and so far it's still there and I haven't been banned yet, and they wouldn't have to censor us if we were wrong, and you know you've hit the target if you're getting flak, and when you threaten them by exposing the truth they censor, ban, restrict and silence you. So much for democracy and freedom of speech! below is the new revised version. It's harder to get banned on Twitter than on Facebook  too so I must be stepping up my game but I will never be censored.

I also have insomnia now as well and last night lay in bed for over 2 HRS before I could fall asleep and the other night I couldn't get to sleep until 1 am and for the past 4 days woken up by a splitting headache that lasts all day and stomach and abdomenal pain that feels like it's all hard, heavy and full of cement and like I got kicked in the stomach by a horse and a chronic cough so bad it could even be The 'Rona, a pulmonary embolism, lung cancer, or God-knows-what but I just always assume it's because I smoke a hella lotta weed, and the one thing I know I can never endure is watching the life drain from Buddy's eyes; I've seen it before and I couldn't bear to see it with him because he is my everything; my purpose, the meaning in my life, my anchor, my reason for living,and in The Blacklist  last night we saw how Liz's death just utterly destroyed Ressler(I used to think was spelled Wrestler until I saw it written somewhere); how his whole life just fell apart as he really loved her and he lost his job and spiralled down into alcohol and drug addiction; grief just consumed  him and I realized as well that was sort of how I felt when the 18 YR old was younger and she stopped loving me and pushed me away as she was the one I was closest to and to lose her it was like grieving, and and it devastated me, and another character mentioned how when you're asleep at night there's a period between sleep and awake where you can contact those who have died and meet them and it's true as that's where and when I have often "met" with Babushka and we have visited and talked. I think it must be the part in-between here and spirit world where the "veil" is thinnest and either we or they can cross over and it intersects and we can briefly meet.

I also found out that the Mr. Peanut mascot's car is called the Nutmobile  and that struck me as hilariously funny and I was laughing my ass off and I realized as well that sometimes you don't get that apology, that forgiveness, that healing, or that answer,and you just have to let go and let people go.I've had my chronic daily pain for 10 years now as well and I'm tired and weary and have had enough and I pray to God to take my pain away and to put me out of my misery.

We believe what we want to believe.