Just This & That.

It's sad to realize that happiness and love for me never lasts for long. It's only ever temporary. I only got 10 years with the person I loved the most and was the closest to and with Buddy so far we've had 8 years but it's coming to an end soon as he turns 16 next month so that's only 18 YRS of happiness out of 55 years and I just seem to ruin everything I touch and alienate everyone I love and just make everything worse. God made me wrong and I wish I was someone else; anyone else and I just want to be happy, loved,and free. I figure I can't hang myself on a ceiling fan though because I'm just too fat and the entire ceiling would come crashing down with my weight so I'd have to try the doorknob method next time instead since the pills obviously don't work.

I wonder why as well horses have long faces and they're beautiful so homw come I have a long face I'm ugly? Life is just so unfair, and I'm such a hard-core stoner as well it was -22 C yesterday. fridig cold and soooo windy and there I still was, sitting outside smoking weed even though the wind kept putting out my flame and that's how I feel in life,too; I get my flame always put out, and I saw a cop driving by alone in his cruiser wearing a face mask as well, so even our police are stupid, and I found out who the Good Samaritan is,too; I saw a neighbour in a tan truck with a plow at the front going down the street plowing out everyone's drivway that got plowed in by the snowplow. There still are some good people left in the world.

The other day my hubby was being an asshole about something(I don't even remember what it was; he was just being himself) and he pissed me off so instead of yelling at him thru the other room (I was in the bathroom) I just defiantly did a silent Up Yours! to him only I was also facing the mirror when I did it so I ended up doing it to myself,  and my iPod automatically updated and to log back in it needed my password which of course I forgot so I got locked out again, and for days my back, stomach and abdomen(it feels like it's going to exsplode!) really hurt and I have this baaad headache as well and I said my body parts are competing to see which will end up killing me first my mother asked who won and I told her, I'm not dead yet; you'll have to wait for the autopsy results to find out. Even the bottom of my right heel hurts so much I can barely walk.

Everyone gets a little rain in their life but all I ever get are thunderstorms and tornadoes.