Lately.

This is my biggest struggle; always being excluded, left-out, not included etc. My entire life but I'm at least hoping if I make it to Heaven that at last I will no longer be the outsider, the outcast, weird, unwanted, hated, excluded, the last one chosen, rejected, left behind, etc. I hope I will finally be good enough and it will be ok to be me.I will no longer be a failure, a loser, or a disappointment.I will finally find happiness, love, contentment,healing,and peace. I will be able to let go and just be. I will be able to soar and fly and finally be free. Yesterday while outside on the back porch I got up out of my chair to cover Buddy with his blanket as well and my shoe got caught somehow on my chair(I'm such a clumsy oaf) and I tripped and fell and I knew there was no way to stop it; I was going down, and the best I could do was to make sure I didn't hit my head as I fell so I landed on my back, right side,and arse. Now I'm all scraped up and sore but at least I didn't hit my head! On Wednesday my mother also fell out on the front veranda and hit her head on a chair and then the next night she was really barfing, projectile and it lasted for an hour and there was lots of it; she said about 3 days worth of undigested food and it worries me of a possible head injury but nothing since but she said she's still dizzy. She still hasn't booked her follow-up doc's app't yet,either, scared to find her X-ray results, fearing she has cancer...

One of my Facebook friends was also supposed to have a heart procedure done yesterday as well( he's 70) and I was worried and had a bad feeling about it so I prayed...and then he later said that they had cancelled it so I can't help but wonder if my prayers had anything to do with it; if maybe something would  have gone wrong and he was possibly saved? They also said on the news at the Toronto Zoo they're vaccinating 120 animals from COVID now,too, which is a special kind of stupid and the world has just gone completely crazy! Help! Stop! I want to get off! Ever since I had COVID I can no longer tolerate spice anymore now,either; it's just so weird but I used to have a very high spice tolerance( eat Ghost pepper and not even need a drink tolerance) but now even mild spice is spicy to me! It makes me sad too because I really used to love my spicy hot food!

Now my hubby said the 18 YR old and the second-oldest are both hoping to come visit from BC and my mother said so is the 20 YR old as well and if so I just hope the 18 YR old finally returns  my luggage and I don't know which I'm more excited to see; her or my luggage!  The NDP Party  also said if they're elected in the June Provincial election they'll pay for birth control as well. How about paying for insulin for diabetics instead? There's an idea! If people want birth control they can pay for it themselves., not using taxpayer's money. It's also sad that the gov't does pay for abortions  though so you can kill your baby.I also notice lately every case of diet caffeine-free cola I get have holes punctured in them with 2-3 cans in each case fell "squishy" and taste "flat" as if they've been punctured too and when I drink it it tastes "funny" too and leaves a weird "metallic" taste in my mouth so I do wonder if someone really is trying to poison me...

 ... Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries- Monty Python