The Lie.

My mother was supposed to see her doctor today and find out her X-ray results but she cancelled her app't and said she;ll re-book it for sometime in 2 weeks or so(I bet she'll cancel that,too), not wanting to know the results in case they're bad( cancer) not wanting to ruin Easter! I heard the message they left on the answering machine as well saying let us know when your daughter is out of isolation..... WTF? She lied  and put the blame on me and said I was the reason she had to post-pone it, because I had COVID, even though it's now day 14? I'm so mad! What the f*ck is her problem? When I confronted her and asked, What is your problem? What's wrong with you? she goes, I'm dying and I told her she doesn't know that and she should just get the results and see and then deal with it; it's better than not knowing and imagining the worst and it may not even be anything,and if it is then at least she'll know and knows what she's dealing with and we'll get thru it just like we always have with all our crisis, and she's being really immature  and childish just trying to avoid it and it's not going to change anything or make any difference whether she faces the results or not; she either has cancer or she doesn't and not knowing isn't going to make it go "away"..

 She yells at me that it's none of my G-d damn business and to stop 'picking' on her, to leave her alone, to go bother someone else,that I'm "bossy", etc.(which really hurt) but it is my "business"; she's my mother and I'm family  and I care and now I have even longer to wait and worry as well; it doesn't just affect her and now I'm angry and disappointed too as I was looking forward to finally finding out the results as well and I told her I'm just trying to get her the medical care she needs and she spat I don't want it! She's just being so difficult and so impossible! She's worse than a little kid! Maybe it's better she does die though as she doesn't really have much of a "life" anyway; all she does is lay in bed all day and shits on the floor; she doesn't even go outside anymore,so she'll be happier. I'm done though; done worrying about her, done fighting with her;done caring; it's not my problem; if she wants to just lay around waiting to die then so be it.

I also took this adorable photo of Buddy yesterday we got to be outside 2 HRS in the afternoon after the rain stopped and my computer had no InterNet; everyone else's was ok, it was just mine(it figures) and the 27 YR old refused to help me even though I tried myself to reconnect to the WiFi it didn't work and I don't know the password and I don't know which one the router is amongst all the wires and things down there to reboot it; everyone is such an asshole and it's such a big effort to help me; I hate my family; they all suck, and now my right ear aches so I hope I'm not getting an ear infection now following the virus and a Facebook friend said he was going to kill himself last night as well( and he has attempted before and came close) and I sent him a message begging him not to do it and so far this morning he's still here luckily as he posted 4 hours ago and I for one would really miss him and I pray for him every day and I know what it's like as I've been there so many times and I really hope and pray things look up for him but when you're stuck down there in that deep dark hole it gets really hard to climb back out.

"Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way."-Franz Kafka