The Walrus.

My cough is sooo bad now I sound like a walrus or a barking seal. I hope it's just a bad cough and not turning into pneumonia but I still feel like shit and I'm still all sweaty and feel dizzy and faint all the time I stand up or even sit up and it's just horrible. The fever's back again,too, so it makes me wonder. I feel so weak and have no appetite I just eat once a day and only then because I force myself because I know I have to eat. My cough is so bad too my chest hurts and sometimes I almost puke from all the coughing. Everyone else recovered fine from the virus so how come I'm not getting any better? I have no energy at all and all I want to do is sleep and my back still hurts so much it feels like it's going to break and I feel nauseated now as well. My mother's doctor's office also called twice yesterday too, once in the morning to schedule a follow-up app't and then again in the afternnon saying they now also want her to have her chest X-ray redone, worrying us that they found something ominous and want to verify it, like maybe a mass indicating cancer or something. Hopefully it's not, and maybe they just didn't get a clear enough image the first time or they just want to compare last week's checking for pneumonia to this week to see if there's any change if it's improved or gotten worse, but it's scary. It would be really unfair if she does end up having lung cancer though since she never smoked a day in her life; she never even tried one cigarette even once. Buddy is also arching his back and yelping loudly in pain this morning, so his spinal issues might be back again like he had a few years ago, common in Dachshunds, esp. as they age.

She has her app't next Thursday and will be getting the X-ray sometime before then; they still have to get back to her but it worries us and now she's facing her own mortality like never before and it's really freaking her out and my hubby seems to be trying to "guilt" the kids into coming up to visit for Easter too by saying it might end up being her last one and she is 80(turns 81 in July) and every life has a fixed term and only God decides and knows when that time is up and I always knew that at some point we would eventually get to this point where she would grow old and die; it's just part of the cycle of life, but it still doesn't mean that I'm ever going to be ready for it, but just like with anything else and all our other trials and hardships in life I also know that God is with us and will get us thru. We also got a Liberal flyer in our mailbox for the upcoming provincial election so I tried to light it on fire in protest but it had some sort of fire-proof protective coating on it and wouldn't catch fire, and the Cirque Du Soleil Kurios  show looks really bizarre like Alice In Wonderland kind of style so I can imagine how much more freakier it would be if you watched it while stoned, and the 20 YR old was supposed to take a seaplane from Vancouver to Victoria for work but it was cancelled so they put her up in a swanky 500$ hotel, where the 18 YR old came up to visit her; they love swank, which they got from me; my hubby's content staying at fleabag roach motels! I also learned early too to never tell anyone your weakness or deepest secret because one day they will use it against you as ammunition.

It's just a memory you're trying to remember to forget.- The Rolling Stones.