I was right about that bad storm on the holiday weekend: there was a confirmed tornado in the town of Uxbridge and they declared a State of Emergency and the town looks like Ukraine being bombed in the war, and several other places were hit hard too and thousands still without electricity and they said it may even take a week to get everyone restored! The 15 YR old also finally cut the grass( it was taller than Buddy!) so now Buddy doesn't have to shit on the sidewalk anymore and last night he did that same thing again like he did 3 nights before; suddenly panting furiously, and the other night I thought at first might be a breathing or heart issues and then thought maybe he was just scared with the fireworks but then he did it again last night in bed again too and there were no fireworks so what was it? Are his heart and/or lungs failing? He is the love of my life and the best thing to ever happen to me. When his heart stops mine does too and when he dies I die with him.He's my whole life and my entire world and all I have.I fear there's something deep inside me that makes me unloveable to everyone except for him.
My liver area also hurts and is so swollen and enlarged as well I look 6 months prego and the other day I had abdomenal pain so bad it felt like a hardening and squeezing that worked it's way up my back and chest. I also heard the average price of a cottage is over 700K and that costs more than our house, and the 26 YR old's seen her BF's parents a couple of times,too, but they're devout Jehovah's Witnesses so seeing her dressed like Satan's daughter( all black and Goth with chains, spikes, skulls, dog collar, upside-down Crosses, etc.) I'm sure didn't "impress" them or go over well, and in The Blacklist Reddingtons' right-hand man Marvin ended up to be the one that betrayed him and is trying to destroy him too proving my theory that it's always the one you least expect.
We also had our first BBQ of the season and I was able to smoke weed without my hubby knowing as it blended in with all the smoke so he never even noticed the smell( ha,ha) and now my hubby cooks his own food for his diabetic diet( and I must say I'm impressed how much he's embraced it) my mother no longer cooks for him anymore, and he shows that he can cook for himself afterall(like I've been telling her all along) and I call his new grill his GRILLfriend but she's awful always cheating on hers and sneaking food and yesterday she even stole the chips I had saved and hidden for the 15 YR old which is a new low(even for her) and then called me bossy for trying to keep her alive and the 27 YR old left a puddle of water on the kitchen floor I told him to clean up before someone slips and falls on it but he didn't and then I did slip and fall on it and went down hard and hurt my arm and leg and him and the 15 YR old laughed and when I said At least it means I'm not old! as if you fall and you're young people laugh but if you're old they panic and rush over asking, Oh, my God! Are you ok? and the 15 YR old said, You are old, we just don't care about you! and sometimes I wonder too if maybe the reason I've had so much suffering, trauma, misfortune, a toxic family, unhappy marriage, and miserable life is because that's all I deserve? I also noticed I lost one of my fave. Facebook friends (and stromgest supporter!)too so either she deleted her account or(most likely) she just de-friended and blocked me and it hurts too because we never had any arguments or anything and I really value her friendship and it hurts that I always end up losing everyone I've ever loved or cared about.
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.-Mark Twain
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