Snapdragons.

For the past 4 days I've been regretting not getting the bouquet of snapdragons I saw at the farmer's market on the weekend. They were assorted colours(like the ones shown here) in a Mason jar of water for a vase with a ribbon tied around it; so simple yet so elegant. I don't know why I didn't buy it at the time but I should have and I now regret it and have been thinking about it ever since.If I ever come by the opportunity again I'm going to get them! It's true if you see something you like you should get it because if you don't you will regret it. Yesterday my mother also saw her doctor( again in 3 months) and she put her cholesterol meds up 4 times her current dose and said now she also has to have insulin injections once a week(she had wanted it daily but my mother refused so she managed to convince her to weekly) as the medication isn't doing it anymore since she always cheats on her diet(and now it's caught up with her!) only the injections aren't instead of the pills but as well as.Maybe now she'll finally "wake" up and take it seriously and stop cheating although knowing her I somehow doubt it. I'm pretty sure she's depressed,too,likely not being able to do anything for herself anymore and always depending on others for help(mainly my hubby,and it annoys him  and she knows it) as all she does is lay in bed all day and has even lost interest in things she used to enjoy, such as sitting outside and being obsessed over BBQ; now she doesn't even care anymore.

As for me, lately I have bad pain in my kidney area, worse on the right side, as well as my back and abdomen, and so bad I'm restless and can't get comfortable due to the pain, and the 15 YR old finishes off grade 11(he's super-smart and skipped 2 grades) and in the fall will be in grade 12; his last year of highschool and also our last year of homeschooling, after 31 years, ever since I first taught the oldest to read when he was 2,  In my fantasy dreams I'm also the world's first flying hippo and I think maybe I should write a children's book about it and maybe call it Halina The Flying Hippo or something, and love of hippos was originally a shared interest the 19 YR old and I both had together when she was younger but now she hates them so it's just me, and on the news they said the average monthly rent of a 1-bedroom apartment in Toronto is 2400$ and that's the same as a monthly mortgage payment, and in one building they're even cruelly evicting tenants too if they have an A/C as they say it costs the landlord "too much" in electricity! WTF? I also think it's strange too with a war going on that Ukraine's Zelensky has the time to meet with so many world leaders and celebs and take photo-ops, and how much do we really know is even actually true; only what the media tells us and wants us to believe...

This morning I was also looking in the fridge for my cake and it wasn't in its usual spot but the 27 YR old had put his gnocci there instead so I figured he'd moved it as he has a habit of just tossing my stuff out of the way and putting his there when he wants the spot only I couldn't find it anywhere and my mother said she remembered seeing a cake in the garbage so I looked and sure enough there it was! I was furious and his excuse was it "expired" (which I doubt as it was just purchased 4 days ago) but even if it was he's NOT to touch other people's stuff and not to throw it out! How would he like it if I threw his food out? I hate it how everyone just always disrespects me and my shit like that all the time. I also heard on the news a teacher thought she'd dropped her 23 month old off at daycare before she went to work but she forgot in the hectic  rush of things and accidently left him in the car all day and when she got out of work found he was still in there,dead from the heat! I can't even imagine  the guilt she's going to have to live with for the rest of her life, the poor woman, and everyone's going to judge her and  blame her(even though it was an accident) like people always do with mothers and it'll likely break up her marriage and she'll lose friends(now when she needs support the most) and have Child Welfare involved and if she has other kids they'll take them,too,maybe even be criminally charged or go to jail, and her entire life is just over now and she won't be able to live with herself and will likely end up committing suicide. it's all just so tragic and sad.

Now we(and others all down our street) also have various coloured flags all over our lawn and painted markings on the road indicating to the construction guys where to and where NOT to dig next week when they start the reconstructions, indictating where the gas, water, and sewage lines are buried and a guy knocked on our door and also said they have to come into our house as well (I find intrusive!) to inspect and see if we have any cracks and damage( such as the cracks in our window and wall) before they start work with their cranes and jackhammers and the other day I was out the back suntanning and my hubby came and asked if I was 'decent" and I said, Of course I'm decent! Who said I was indecent? but he meant was I dressed or semi-dressed as sometimes I suntan topless and then I noticed a guy with him wearing a bright orange construction vest and he startled me and I sat up pulling my top up over to cover myself and shrieked, Oh, my God! and he said, That's what I mean!  and I quickly covered up, not wanting to scare the poor guy off  running down the street screaming as there's just some things that you can't un-see.

How nice--to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.-Kurt Vonnegut.