Indoor Garden.

Just look at my poor, sad, pathetic sunflowers now; the critters just completely decimated them, the leaves, the flowers, and now even digging up the roots as well, the poor things. They're just being merciless, so now I've resignated myself to an indoor garden where I use cut flowers I bring inside, such as the sunflowers and roses pictured below. Today is also my mother's 81st birthday and we're going to the Chinese buffet tomorrow for her birthday lunch( she convinced my hubby to take the day off for it as he has lots of time off from all the overtime he worked. If I'd  asked him to take a day off for something I wanted he'd brush me off but for her he agrees) and the 23 YR old mailed her a card she made as well and she never sends me cards on my birthday or even on Mother's Day and I'm her own mother  and it really hurts  and feels like a slap in the face and why does she hate me so much and what did I ever do to her? I never abused her and was never mean to her. Why does she like my mother so much,anyway?(Probably because she buys their affection by buying them things and undermining me and overturning my discipline) It makes me feel like such a failure as well as a mother as all the kids have turned away from God and they all hate me,too and yet I still don't even know what I did that was so wrong.

The 19 YR old also crossed the border and had a day trip to Seattle(and the 23 YR old also spent a week in Montreal and one of the kids was actually conceived in Montreal; either #5 or #6, I can't remember) which is why you should always have your passport up-to-date because you never know when you might need it, which is one of my words of advice as well as make sure you have good insurance; life, home,and travel, and I just hope she didn't go alone as even though I travel alone it's more dangerous for someone her age( being raped or sex trafficked) whereas an old hippo like me is pretty safe, and my girls have inherited their love of travel from me,and I also had a scary real nightmare one of the boys killed himself too and it was so realistic and one of those dreams where it not only felt real but rattled my Mother Heart and makes me worry it's a warning  and it's tragic and horrific as well former Japanese PM Abe was assassinated as well and I always thought he had a kind face and the chatter online is the real motive was because he disagreed with the WEF, the New World Order, Great Reset, vaccine agenda, etc; he was one of the Good Guys, and had to be eliminated.

I also decided that once Buddy( who fills my existence) dies( unless I also die too from grief one way or the other) I'm going to go to India and stay at an ashram for a few months to "find" myself. I almost went 10 years ago but then my gallbladder needed to be taken out and I never had the chance again. I also love being outside because I feel closest to God in nature and my friend F( from grade 6) and his wife are in the Philippines visiting her family( he's Chinese but she's Fillipina) and my cousin's dog is going to have her puppies any time now,too as yesterday her temp dropped and she was restless, signalling labour within 24 HRS,and I miss having women friends as well and miss having them to talk to, laugh with, and shop with; I need my tribe and I need sisterhood, and whenever I see women dressing slutty and revealing such as mini skirts, really short dresses above the knee, low-cut tops, crop-tops, etc.I always think to myself, I bet she's sucked alot of dicks! and the 27 YR old said his goal is to sleep with every girl at his work. Ewww! I hope he's kidding!

Nobody, no, no one Nobody, nobody Nobody, nobody Nobody cares for me.-Louis Prima