Cornhole-lio.

This morning on the radio I heard someone had a pet turkey named Cornhole-lio and I just cracked up laughing my ass off; I thought it was the funniest thing and it was also 4 C so now I put my shorts and T-shirts away and now wear long pannts, long shirts and socks and my hubby has a colonoscopy in November, and Red Lobster has this commercial too all-you-can-eat shrimp for 28.99$ and I saw that exact same commercial on an American TV channel and they only have to pay 21.99$ so as always we get over-charged and ripped-off for everything here in this shithole and I desperately need a new mattress as well(I've had it for 26 YRS since it was replaced after the fire) as wire "springs" keep popping out and cutting me yet I'm hesitant as they're just soooo expensive( even the cheaper ones still cost hundreds of $$$) as I don't think I'm going to live too much longer and don't want to spend the $$$ on something I won't get much use from. The 23 YR old also flew to Toronto for a wedding and she collects these plush stuffed toys called Squishmallows as well that are sort of like pillows in the shape of animals, food, etc, which is no problem(I think they're cute and if they had a hippo one I'd get it myself!) except she also  has occult ones,too, of a Jack ' O Lantern and witch, and  it's bad enough the kids turned away from God but to embrace the occult is even worse and the 27 YR old didn't go to the foodbank afterall as now he says he's "too embarrassed" and he doesn't have 85$ a month for jiu-jitsu anymore now either since he's unemployed so he just goes over to friends' houses and trains there for free now.

My mother also one-upped me again: last night I told her I was going to give the 27 YR old a piece of my pizza(it wasn't too big and I was saving some for my lunch today) and she diminished it snickering, Just one piece? and then decided she had to get a pizza, too,( even though she already had a sub!)just to give him half of her pizza, to upstage me, to one-up me and out-do me, just like she always does, using $$$ and gifts( incl. expensive jewellery for the girls) to "buy" their affection, to get them to her "side", to get them to like her more than me, and it worked. I guess the trick is from now on to just NOT tell  her ahead of time and to just do, so not giving her the chance to sabotage it and always try to upstage, out-do and "top" everything I do in order to gain the kids' favour. I hate my family.

Yesterday my mother also had her app't with the diabetic nurse, the same one she cancelled twice before and she had 3 different times  down for it; 10:30 am, 11 am and 11: 30 am and didn't know which one it actually was so I told her the odds are to go to the middle one in-between at 11 am so she did and that was the right time and her kidneys "aren't in good shape" and the rest of her is "deteriorating" as well so she's going on insuling injections again and got this cute little bag like a gift bag or what you'd get a wedding or baby shower gift in and it had the Freestyle Libre flash glucose monitoring system in it( shown above) where you stick a sensor to the back of your arm(it lasts 2 weeks) and scan it with a monitor( like scanning produce at the grocery store, ha, ha!) to take blood sugar readings and the sensor costs 90$ and the scanner 60$ but luckily she has it covered, thank God as who could afford it otherwise? I also noticed The Teacher across the street has the same thing on the back of his arm too and wondered what it was and now I know so he must be diabetic,too. The gov't also said only 6% of kids under age 5 got the COVID Clot-shot ,too, much less than the at least 30% they were expecting and good for them so people are finally waking up, and I'm 'torn" as well; I want to travel and need to get away yet at the same time I'm also hesitant too as I worry about leaving Buddy being as old as he is; what if he dies while I'm away and he thinks I've abandoned him and I'm not here when he needs me the most? I'll never be able to forgive myself.

There's also this lyric in the Rolling Stones song Emotional Rescue that goes,...just a poor girl in a rich man's house... and that's how I feel in the world not fitting in, always like sort of an "imposter", just "faking" it trying to survive in a world that's just not meant for me or made for me,  and even in Jr. High I didn't even fit in with the other rich girls,either(I used to have $$$$ even though I'm poor now), who would normally be my peers; even they bullied me, called me names, made fun of me, ridiculed me, laughed at me, etc. as if there was just something about me that they could pick up on (I later found out in my 40's would be autism) and the tough kids/ white trash ones even took it a step further and actually beat me up,too. I just don't fit in anywhere. I never have and I never will.

But I have to be sure when I walk out that door Oh, I want to be free, baby Oh, how I want to be free Oh, I want to break free.-Queen