Right Now.

Check out my cool funky tie-dye lighters! My fave. one is second from the left and I have a shirt that matches it! That reminds me of when we first moved to Ottawa and my Babushka visited us and I was wearing my tie-dyed shirt and she loved it and my mother had one too and Babushka wanted to get one so we went to the outdoor market where they were selling them and she got one too so we all matched and then the 3 of us went out all wearing our matching shirts! I remember when I was a kid having one as well and then later on bought them for all my kids as well. Always the eternal hippie. We finally got our broken dryer fixed as well; a repairman came and fixed it( and he used to own the laundry mat) and luckily it was just a special fuse that needed replacing for 100$ which is much better than a new dryer which would cost at least 800$ we don't have and it's nice to have dry towels again!It's also been a week since I shaved my eyebrows off and no one noticed still and they're taking alot longer to grow back in than I thought and now it's still just tiny little stubbles you can feel but can't see yet. For the past couple of days my stomach pain is also a bit less(and it helps when I bear down, like pushing to do a shit) or else I've just built up more of a tolerance to it but now the pain is worse in my kidneys and my skin looks jaundice as well( yellow) and my eyes itch and sting and my appetite is less so my liver must be acting-up again now as well. It's always something.

Yesterday my mother also went to her doctor thinking she had an app't.....only to find out she got the dates wrong( again; this isn't the first time it's happened) and it's actually tomorrow and she says she says an app't to get her hair cut this morning as well assuming that's right, and now she's spelling things wrong in German and French as well as in English so it's not a specific language problem; it's a spelling problem and she used to have no trouble spelling so her mind is going, and the other day she oddly cooked and she only gave us each 3 measly chicken wings and at first I thought it was to make sure there was enough to go around.....but nooooo....because she gave her precious prince the 15 YR old 7-8 of them! So the rest of us had to practically starve so she could indulge him! My friend P(from grade 6) also left for 2 weeks in Cuba yesterday....and then hurricane Ian hit and now the entire island is without electricity and my fave. Facebook friend lives in Tampa where it's also going to hit hard next and so now I alsohave to wait for hurricane season to end before I  travel again and go back to the Carribean and if the last hurricane was Fiona why is this next one Ian? Whatever happened to G  and H? Why did they skip from F to I in naming them?

When I was 17-18 or so my original plan was to go back to Russia to live and get married and to have my babies by the new ( at the time) underwater birth method....but as it turned out God had other plans for me as He sees the Big Picture and knows ahead of time what's to come in the future( that I didn't see) such as the fall of Soviet Russia and that now Russian men would be conscripted to fight in the Russia-Ukraine war which would mean that my boys would have also been called to war if we lived there(just like with my friend Sergei; he was called to fight in Afghanistan back in the day and we still wrote letters....until one day I stopped hearing from him and I fear he was killed...), so in the end it worked out for the best that I didn't end up living there afterall but at the time there's no way I would have known that but God did. He always knows what's best even if we don't at the time.

Being homely is more than a face . It is also a deep sadness.