The Orchard.

I was remembering more childhood memories and every summer and Christmas I'd visit family from both sides; male cousins from my mother's side and female cousins from my father's side and I can still remember when i was probably 8 or 9 or so one summer i was visiting my boy cousins who lived out in the country and we took the bikes( they had a shed full of them just like how my kids did and they had the really cool bikes,too; the 12 speeds and they had gold ones with the "curly" handlebars that turned under with black tape wound around it that looked like ram's horns and they only had boys' bikes with the bar that went across as opposed to the girls' bikes where the bar was slanted down but I didn't mind; I was never allowed to have a bike so I just enjoyed being able to ride and feel free) out and rode thru an apple orchard and we'd tuck our shirts into our shorts making a sort of a "pouch" and we'd pick up apples that had fallen off the trees onto the ground and collect them and put them in our pouches and the angry farmer came storming out yelling about those damn kids and chased us away throwing apples at us and we took off laughing. I guess to the farmer we were just pests, no different than the squirrels. I was also so skinny as a kid I took size 6 X for like forever even though I've always had a hearty appetite(I didn't start to get fat until 45) I can still remember all my Greek and Italian friends' mothers saying to me in almost horror You too skinny! Eat something!!  and shovelling lots of food in front of me, embarrassing my my poor mother, fearing they must have been thinking I was being starved but me gleefully eating all the delicious food they kept offering me. Childhood was such a happy, carefree, magical time.

Last night I was also really sweaty even though it wasn't even hot; it was a cool 10 C overnight and I even had my window open but I woke up drenched in sweat and the entire front of my shirt was soaked so it's either Night Sweats  from dear old menopause or else I have some sort of cancer, and I still get that weird headache and a couple of days ago I also felt this weird ripping/tearing feeling inj my upper back and I just gasped and said What the f*ck was that?  and just froze for a few seconds wondering if this was it, and I also noticed too for the past few days my fingers are always puckered and wrinkled like how you get after soaking a long time in the bath or after swimming....except I wasn't, so maybe I'm dehydrated even though I'm still drinking lots, and all yesterday every time after I eat it always felt like I had a lump stuck in the middle of my throat and I had to keep trying to clear my throat and it lasted for an hour or so each time so maybe I have acid reflux from my stomach ulcer or something? The foot bandage on my right foot is also alot tighter than usual as well so my fluid retention/edema/swelling must be worse as well. My body is just sooooo f*cked-up.

We also got some new towels and they're soooo soft and comfy it felt like a luxury and after smoking weed I enjoyed a fruit punch flavoured gourmet lolipop and it was exquisite and beyond pleasurable, even more so than mind-blowing sex or the highest high and the 23 YR old's into Harry Potter as well which was forbidden when they were growing up due to its occult nature and promoting witchcraft and it's bad enough that the kids have turned away from God now as adults(and away from everything they were raised with) but getting into the occult makes it even worrse  and it just hurts my heart and yesterday Buddy and I were snuggling out in the sun(but under a blanket as it was cold!) and it was just so nice and the thought occurred if he died like that at least it would be in my arm,s and peaceful and it gave me some comfort, and I heard the line-up to view the Queen lying in State some people waited over 9 hours  too and I wouldn't line-up or stand and wait that long willingly for anything(I had to wait over 4 hours to get thru customs in both Moscow and London but NOT willingly) and if some terrorist wanted to take out the entire British Royal family at once(not to mention all the other world leaders that will also be there) the Queen's upcoming funeral will be the ideal time and I'm not a "fan" of them as they still represent Imperialism and Colonialism(=oppression) and Hans Niemann was accused of "cheating" in a chess tournament so he even offered to play a game naked  to prove he's not cheating and now that's  something I'd  really like to see; a guy playing chess naked!😂

The waiting is the hardest part.-Tom Petty