Our Last Day.

Today might be our last day sitting outside as it was 15 C and we had sun but then it's supposed to rain for the next few days and then drop down to single digits. If we're lucky( something I'm NOT) we might get to squeeze in one or two more days before we're stuck hibernating indoors until spring ( although for Buddy and I this might actually end up being our last last day outside if we're not alive by the springtime) so we enjoyed it immensely, soaking up the sun, feeling the warmth of the sun on our faces( the best feeling ever!) and the breeze. The neighbour that fixed his fence a couple of weeks or so ago annoys me as well as he's still left behind 7-8 tall posts sticking up at top of the fence at least a foot tall and for some reason it just annoys the hell out of me and irks me as it just looks so unfinished, so unkempt, so disorderly, so wrong, and it must be my autism, and the other day was No Bra Day as well but for me that's every day (I just let 'em fly; bras are sooo tight, restrictive,and uncomfortable!) and Buddy also chasing a mouse in the livingroom knocked over one of my vases and broke it and I was mad so he's lucky that I love him so much! My pain is also so baaad with the usual plus today also feeling chilled and shivering, unable to get warm as well and my sinus is really bad and I have a headache, achy ears and I can't smell or taste.My mother also ate the food that was saved for Buddy and she's just like the 27 YR old; eating other people's food( even right off their plates!) without even asking first.

Here he is and he scratched the scab off the sore on his eye so I had to dis-infect it irrigating it with the syringe and putting an antibiotic cream on it and on the 16th the oldest turns 33 ( that makes me feel soooo old!) and then just 2 days later # 5 turns 28, and my hubby admonished me for praising the 15 YR old being so smart and says it's putting 'pressure' on him when all I'm doing is trying to encourage him and build his confidence but no matter what I do it's always wrong and he said because I never let the kids celebrate Satan's Day(Halloween) growing up( due to its occult nature even though he's deceived into thinking it's just a "harmless 'fun' day to dress up and get candy but Satan is the great deceiver) is why they're so "into" it now "big-time" but I did my best and what I thought was best even if it did all go wrong and back-fire that wasn't my intention; raising godly kids and homeschooling was my job, my vocation, my life, and I dedicated myself wholeheartly to it but once they left home, went off to university and got  exposed to, influenced and corrupted by the world they turned away from God and from everything I had raised them to be.

 These are also photos of the one I hoped I would marry( when he was a little kid) I loved him for 5 years but he refused my friend request on Facebook  and blocked me (I hacked to get these 😜) and later found out it was because he "didn't want to re-live the past" and didn't re-connect with anyone from before which made me feel better that it wasn't just me( and that I never did anything) which gave me some closure and he only ever just liked me as a friend and it turned out he ended up to be gay but it sort of made me feel better that he wasn't rejecting me personally and other things I still remember are when I was a kid maybe grade 2-3 I found a big crystal (I can't remember where, probably the sidewalk,park, or the schoolyard; where I found most of my treasures)that was tear-drop shaped, likely from a chandelier( the 27 YR old's new job brought back the memory) and I pretended it was a huge diamond( it was the size of  an egg and it was one of my most prized possessions, along with my pink Winnie The Pooh pencil topper I got from the cereal box prize, my blue swatch of velvet Babushka gave me(she was a buyer for Eatons and even had some pages in the women's fashion section of the catalogue she was responsible for)I loved stroking the softness(I would later learn is called stimming and is a common way for autistics to self-soothe and calm), and the velvet rainbow pillow my fave. babysitter made for me for Christmas( most of my sitters were abusive but she was really nice), my little blue hippo, my plastic Snoopy(which I forgot at the cottage and it burned in the fire) and my orange piggy bank. I also remember when I was at the resort in Cuba I went to the bar to hear the live Jazz singer, drinking my virgin Pina Colada and then sadly realizing  suddenly at that moment that I must truly be ugly and undesirable as there I was, sitting alone in a bar and no one ever even tried to "pick me up" or "hit" on me.(not that I would,mind you, but it would have been nice to have been asked)

Not a single one.

The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.-Mark Twain