The Pills.

First of all, take a look at this: this is amazing! Ferrero Rocher  only instead of the usual chocolate hazelnut rolled into little balls like meatballs and foil wrapped it's now also in a chocolate bar and it's sooooo delicious it was really hard to not eat it all at once! A couple of days ago my mother also noticed a bottle of her Tylenol was knocked down onto the floor next to her bed  with the lid off and 15 or so of them were scattered all over the floor and under her bed and at first I just thought she was being a klutz again as usual( she's always dropping pills on the floor I have to pick up so Buddy doesn't snuffle along and eat them ) but she said she didn't( unless, of course, she just forgot) so then I figured maybe the mice( that I have seen running along her bedside table!) knocked it over but then yesterday she also couldn't find any of her medications( that she keeps in a big Ziploc baggie and carries around with her in her walker) and was in a panic, thinking she maybe left them at the pharmacy the other day so she called them but it wasn't there and then thought maybe they got left behind in the car, but nope.....no pills.....so then we really started to worry, or more precisely, I did...

My first fear send a cold chill of fear down my spine" what if the 15 YR old took them like how the now 19 YR old and 25 YR old also did when they were teens in a suicide attempt? Mental illness does run in our family and once it happens the worry is always there lurking in the back of your mind what if it happens again, just like after the 25 YR old when he had leukemia when he was 7; up until then every time one of the kids got a fever I'd just assume they were coming down with a cold or something but after that defining moment I'd worry What if they have cancer now,too? Trauma just changes the way you think. Luckily she found them awhile later in her walker (the first place I told her they probably were and to look but no one ever listens to me!) and I told her she really should be more careful; like me; I always lock my medications away. She said she must have been having a "Senior Moment" and I told her it was more than just a moment! Luckily the 15 YR old knew nothing of my sheer panic and fear; it was all just inside me secretly; the secret hidden fear a mother often carries alone in her heart.

You can see from the photo here my hair has now grown in from a Buzz-Cut to a Pixie cut, a bit longer for the colder fall and winter season, and now in the mornings it's -2 C and this morning we even had frost and it doesn't warm up until later so now we can't sit outside until the afternoon when it warms up to 14 C, and I finally got my cholesteral pills at the pharmacy yesterday as well but I'd ran out last week as the doctor took forever to re-new the prescription even though I did call it in a week before I was to run out, and yesterday I still had that weird headache all across the front of my forehead again and strange painunder my chin and a feeling of electric bolts shooting down the back of my neck as well. My sinus is also acting-up again and I can't smell anything, not even the delicious Jerk Chicken the 28 YR old cooked yesterday and during the night my mother's scanner beeped waking her up telling her that her blood suagr was too low( 2.5) and they want it to be 6 and her usual is 10 or 11 and yesterday when I walked in the house she goes, I smell weed! and I replied, ...and I hear 'gay' music!( as she was listening to her Pussy-Pop radio station that plays Adele, Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, etc.) and Buddy is so smart too he understands 2 languages: English and German!Better than some people who only know one language!

She couldn't help thinkin' That there was a little more to life somewhere else.-Tom Petty