Yesterday was a nice warm sunny day and Buddy and I were able to be outside for 2 hours! All this week it's even supposed to get to 20 C or warmer! Niiice!One of my cousins in Europe also said her gardener moved away so for the first time in 15 years they have to mow their own grass etc. We had a gardener too when we lived in L.A and he cut our grass and tended to our dozens of rose bushes. The 28 YR old's ex-GF in California also got baptized the other day in the Serbian Orthodox Church where her and her BF attend and plan on getting married and they've been living together for the past 2 years now and all my pants are loose and keep falling down too so I must have lost weight( which is a good thing) but I don't know for sure as our scale is broken( just just every other piece-of-shit thing in this house) and yesterday I had searing white-hot pain in my right side as well soooo bad I almost passed out and I could have sworn I felt something pop! too, likely an inflamed sac in my colon with my diverticulitis flaring up, and I'm increasingly out of breath and it's harder to breathe and yesterday Buddy would often make these gaaaccking and braaccking sounds and gag and wretch as if he had something caught in his throat. We're both a couple of decrepit old farts at the end of our lives.
My hubby also sneered at me cruelly that I'm "too loud" and "always complaining" and "that's why no one ever wants to be around you and always goes into another room away from you" to which my mother agreed and I told them if they're tired of hearing me always complain all the time how do they think I feel with everything always going wrong all the time and never going right? If things went the way they were supposed to and I didn't always have such bad luck I wouldn't have anything to complain about and what can my mother say,anyway? She always complains all the time herself,too, so she's one to talk, but now it's nicer out I'll be outside and they won't have to listen to me and hopefully soon I'll be dead anyway and then I'll be gone and they won't have to put up with me anymore and if I'm too "much" then they can find less.Those f*ckers sure really know how to make me feel unloved , unwanted and like a burden in my own home. I'm tired of everyone saying I'm too much when I'm just me and don't know how to be anything or anyone else.Last night my mother also said, I smell weed again! and I replied, So do I; I was outside smoking it! and I wondered why the knife wasn't cutting my chicken parmigiana too but then realized it was upside-down and the sharp part was facing upwards! Duh!
You can't fix ugly.-Tom Jackson
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