Black Walnut.

Take a look at our Black Walnut tree; it doesn't have normal blossoms like fruit trees normally do( neither does our vines or mulberries) which normally look like little flowers with petals but instead are these funny-looking long fern-like thingies that hang down and later turn into big green things that look sort of like pears and have the black walnuts inside. Isn't nature strange? My hubby also brought home what he thought were bananas but were really small, all bruised and hard but I recognized right away as plantains(I don't think he even knows what they are) and yesterday I suntanned topless for the first time of the season now that all the leaves are out fully and the neighbours(hopefully!) can't see me, and my mother also just helped herself to one of my carbonated waters in the fridge without even asking too and her excuse was I was napping but she could have just waited until I woke up to ask me and I don't know who she thinks she is but she thinks she's entitled to just take whatever she wants and she also shit all over the hallway all the way into the bathroom as well( ewww!) as she shit her pants again and it went all down her leg and on the floor, leaving a trail behind her and yesterday and today my poor old Buddy often suddenly jerks up and opens his mouth gasping too like he has trouble breathing.I love him more than anything and the day he dies will be the worst day of my life. This is for him:

You're never gonna be alone From this moment on If you ever feel like letting go I won't let you fall You're never gonna be alone I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.-Nickelback

This was also my view yesterday as I sat out on the front veranda and the guy that delivered my weed (I order pre-rolled joints because I can't roll for shit) looked exactly like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo and I got a suggestion from Facebook for a Sphinx cat page too even though I hate cats and have no desire for something that looks like a wrinkly saggy old ballsack, and my brother-in-law's ex-wife is going to Nashville too but it seems like a boring place to visit to me unless she's visiting someone that lives there, and I heard someone say about a gris-gris stick and my memory was instantly transported back to a long-frozen memory of a past time( was it a long-forgotten childhood memory or of a past life, I'm not sure) but I recognized it and knew what it was( a Voodoo talisman for protection against evil and to bring good fortune) and then also the memory of that dream I had when I was 18 and I met Baron Samedi but he told me I wasn't supposed to remember meeting him or what he told me came back, and I still remember other memories,too, like as a kid turning my eyelids inside-out(I can still do!) which all the boys thought was cool but grossed-out the girls, and in grade 11 telling-off my art teacher for some oppressive measure(I can't even remember now what it was) and loudly yelling out, This country is so Fascist!  and walking out of class and worrying all weekend what would happen (but it would have still been worth it, no matter what it was,even if I got suspended)but as it turned out nothing did, and I've always been a rebel, and a Marxist(I joined the Communist Party when I was 18),and even my hubby and kids don't know the true extent of it; how deeply I was into it  and how radical I really was before they came along (I'm sure the gov't must have a file on me, ha,ha) and I still do believe the ideals but now I can barely even carry a protest sign.

I can also remember decades ago when my fave. priest from Ottawa left the priesthood and got married and he would have been in his early 60's or so and I hope they're still together esp. considering he gave up everything and when I was first dating my hubby he told me that there's apparantly this Fourth Date Rule which my virgin inexperienced autistic self had never even heard of and certainly didn't go along with, where you're actually expected to have sex on the 4th date(and I obviously didn't) but I was shocked and never heard of such a thing and still wonder if it was actually true or if he just made it up, and the oldest said his earliest memory was when he was 2 and I brought him to the beach and we were making sandcastles and some kid came by and wanted to knock them over and I told him to get lost, and also when he was little sitting in his highchair and I'd roll him little balls of Play-Doh and he would squish and flatten them and as much as the kids think I was this "horrible awful" mother I also hope that they remember that there were good times,too.

I have nightmares in the daytime.-Damian Marley