Yesterday And Beyond.
Yesterday it was sooooo hot even with a breeze it just felt like a hair dryer blowing around hot air and I had to sleep topless with the A/C cranked up and today's supposed to be even hotter and even forecasted to break a record from over 30 years ago and with the humidex of 40 C! The mosquitoes are extra bad this year too and it's not just me thinking so as even the radio DJ said the same thing. It also wasn't supposed to rain the other night so I thought it was safe to leave my patio cushions out but guess what?......it did and they got all wet, and the SOLD sign on the house at the corner was taken down 2 days ago so I guess the new neighbours will be moving in sometime soon and I wonder as well how come grapes, mulberries, and black walnuts, for example, don't have blossoms but other fruits like apples, peaches, and cherries do, and my friend J(in Ottawa) was without electricity for 6 days following that bad storm over the long weekend until it finally got restored and 2 of my European cousins stayed at a castle for their anniversary as well!
The PC Party also tried to get a motion passed in the gov't to finally end the travel restrictions and so that you don't have to be vaccinated to take a plane or train( and so that I could finally leave this shithole and go back to Jamaica, and, in fact, as soon as it was lifted I was going to contact my travel agent and be out of here!) but both the Liberals and NDP didn't pass it so it remains and I posted on Twitter in outrage that there's no way to escape unless you kill yourself and it got my account banned for 12 HRS as they said I was "promoting and encouraging" suicide which I wasn't; I wasn't telling people to actually go and do it; the point was that the only way out of this country is if you die because if you're unvaxxinated they don't let you leave. I also found out that there's cyanide in cherry pits and eating just 2-3 of them can kill you(if you do it right) so that's somrthing I'll have to keep in mind and I posed a question on my Facebook if I died would anyone miss me and 3 cousins and a handful of others said they would; not many yet still more than I expected, but I know my family wouldn't,(except for Buddy)and they'd even be glad, and have even told me as much and even tell me to go kill myself! 😢
6 Days after planting my sunflowers( I planted 24 or so) 3 little seedlings started to pop up and a week after there were 5, and one is seen here and the red/orange stuff you see in the photo is cayenne pepper I use as a repellent for squirrels.My mother's so lazy too all she does is sleep all day,and yesterday, for example, she didn't even get up until Noon and then was already back in bed for a nap at 2 pm and slept the rest of the day until 6-7 pm or so.....and then she wonders why she has trouble sleeping at night when she sleeps all day and I told her that she can't sleep all day and all night, and it's like she's just waiting to die and will just rot away, and I have to force her to get up and go outside and she yells at me to go away and bother someone else! and Stop nattering!( a word she always uses to describe me and I hate it; it reminds me of that annoying sound that pissed-off squirrels make) and yesterday Buddy kept whining ad humping my leg like he does when he's trying to alert me and when I looked in the mirror I noticed my lips were blue so maybe I'm going to have a heart-attack or something?
Now he's 16 I also fear we don't have too much time left together and any dog I get next( I'm going to get a Chihuahua and name it either Beekis or Beja) will just be a mere "substitute"; not a "replacement"; nothing can ever 'replace" him; he's one-of-a-kind, and I'm too f*cked-up for anyone to love except for him and he either doesn't know or doesn't care that I'm f*cked-up,and what really broke me and finished me off and shattered me beyond repair causing me to finally give up; give up on life, on motherhood, on family, on everything, was when the 19 YR old shut down and started hating me after we used to be so close and when she "broke" and was suicidal, had anorexia and was self-harming at 14 and not only shut me out but directed the worst of her rage and anger towards me and I bore the brunt of her hate(probably because she knew I was "safe" and I would still love her anyway, which I did, and I do, even though it destroyed me, but she did recover so it was worth it but it gutted me and hurt so much.) It's true though the ones you love the most also hurt you the most.
The sun dies until it's reborn.-Sam Roberts
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