Sassy Sausage.

Yesterday my sassy little sausage was so hot he was really panting and his tongue was hanging out so I had to put him inside where it was cooler and this morning at 5 am he suddenly jerked up and made a funny noise and then gasped and went limp for a few seconds and I was so afraid I was losing him but then he came back but I really don't think he has much time left and when he dies so do I because he is my entire life and my only reason for living and I can't take any more crisis either; I don't have it in me to weather another storm or to fight anymore, and I'm not sleeping well now either I have so much overwhelming anxiety, worry, fear, change, and uncertainty, and yesterday my hubby took the 16 YR old to the clinic for his baaad cough but of course it was closed so he went to the hospital and they had to wait forever but they never even did a chest X-ray and the dumb doctor just dismissed it as "allergies" even though he's never had allergies before and the cough came after his cold and he just gave him an antihistimine. Everyone and everything here is just soooo half-assed! Today is also child # 8's 24th birthday

After spending 3 days on the couch( not even getting up to go to the bathroom) my mother is finally back in her bed but she peed and shit thru the entire couch and was laying in her own waste and flith( ewwww!!!) and and it soaked right thru and now the entire living room stinks like cat piss and it's so disgusting  my hubby and the 28 YR old had to wear masks and can't even go near it and I had to strip it and do extra laundry and even spraying the room the smell still permeates and it stinks like a zoo, and she's even worse than an animal as even animals don't go to the bathroom where they sleep and there's no excuse for it; she can at least get up to go to the bathroom and now she says she's never leaving her bed and she told the grandkids to phone her and to "say their goodbyes" and the 21 YR old actually did, even though she's just being overly-dramatic like she always is, and this morning she was laying there on her back, splayed out with her mouth open and I said, Are you dead? and she croaked, Not yet... She's obviously depressed and just given up but she denies it and refuses to mention it to her doctor so there's really nothing I can do  so if she wants to die then what can I do,but it's just beyond disgusting  though that she shits and pees everywhere, and she can't even use the "guilt trip" on me that she wiped my ass and fed me as a baby so now I "owe" her and have to do it for her because she didn't as I was farmed off to daycare from when I was just 6 weeks old and strangers fed me and wiped my ass, not her.Besides, one thing I won't do is wipe someone's ass. I did it with my own 11 kids but now I'm done.

My hubby also saw the 27 YR old's engagement ring( he was also at the anime convention) and said I "wouldn't like it" and said it was red so must be a ruby and I said not necessarily; it could have been a garnet; so was it a light red(ruby) or a dark red(garnet) and he said, It was red(that's no help) and when I asked why wouldn't I like it he said it was in the shape of a bat( the winged creature kind, not the baseball one) as always sinister and Goth, and it confuses me though as I thought he was identifying as male now and guys don't get engagement rings; girls do, so I can't figure it out, and I still don't know why the kids hate me or what I did and the 20 YR old would only always say You know why....except I don't and nobody ever tells me; is it simply because I'm autistic and bipolar( even though my hubby has issues too and they don't hate him for it) or because I made them go to church or didn't let them date until they were done high school as I wanted them to concentrate on their education and not be tempted by sin? I genuinely have no idea and it's bad enough they hate me and cut me out of their lives( and due to it I've detached as well) but to not even know the reason why makes it much worse.

“Never criticize me for something I can’t change.”