No Reason.

I finally just came out and asked my hubby what was the reason why he hasn't f*cked me since the youngest was born 16 YRS ago; is it because he's gay now, or he has a mistress, or he can't "get it Up" anymore, or what and he just said, There's no reason and then tried to change the subject saying, Your dog needs you. So that's it? So what am I supposed to say to that? How am I supposed to respond? Of course there's a reason; there's always a reason, and I don't know why he's not telling me why(even if he is gay, for instance, I don't care, I just want to know), afterall, I do have a right to know, and it can't just be because I'm old and fat now because so is he so he can't really say anything about me, and my mother always said you can tell there's a problem in the marriage as sex is the first thing to go and if he's NOT getting it from you you know he's getting it from somewhere because no guy is just going to just stop doing IT, and I know it's not because he's afraid I'll get prego because I'm no longer able to now I'm 56 and in menopause and had my uterus removed 5 years or so ago due to heavy and abnormal bleeding, so what is it and why won't he at least tell me? WTF? It's bad enough to be rejected(esp. when he was the only one who was ever even interested in me and now even he isn't anymore!) but even worse to not even know why.

I didn't get to visit my mother in the hospital yesterday as my hubby was too busy and didn't have the time to drop me off( he had something like 7 things to do) and today's likely my last day as they plan on discharging her tomorrow morning  and even though I didn't miss her( to tell you the truth it's been nice with her not here, no stress, conflict, yelling, fighting, etc.) even the 28 YR old said so,too,so that gave us a nice break as well. I'm still the dutiful daughter that goes and visits her, and they never did come yesterday to install her home care devices like they said they would,either( it figures) and why is everyone and everything always so half-assed and have to suck all the time though? I mean, really? You just can't believe or depend on anybody to do what they say when they say they will.  At least do what you say and say what you mean.Sitting on her commode in the hospital it's also so high up my feet dangle and don't reach the floor it also reminds me of when I was a kid riding the streetcar and my feet wouldn't touch the ground and her new doctor and her have rhyming first names,too.

It also has that nice country smell outside like wildflowers after it rains and it always reminds me of when I was a kid at the cottage or camp, and I'm pretty sure I witnessed the drug dealers next-door making a deal and my hubby said he saw the new neighbours at the corner across from us as well and they look like either crackheads or methheads; really skinny, gaunt with pasty grey skin and sunken eyes and now Trump's been indicted again as well and I heard even if he's convicted and in prison he can still run for and even be elected US President, from jail! Holy shit, what a country, and I still laugh,too, remembering from when I was a kid, 8-9 or so meeting my mother's doctor friend from work and asking her, So, are you married? and she said she wasn't and then I asked her, Do you have any kids? and she said, I just told you that I wasn't married!  and I told her, You don't have to be, you know! and my poor mother was just soooo embarrassed! 😂HA!

Never be ashamed of who you are.