Nothing Compares 2 U.

I am heartbroken to hear Sinead O' Connor(age 56, same as me) died. They never revealed the cause of death but they didn't have to.

 I just knew. 

I just knew it in my heart.

 It was suicide.

 I'm actually surprised she held on this long, as long as she did. Last year her 17 YR old son killed himself and he was the light in her life( like Buddy is in mine) and when he died it just shattered her. At least now they're back together again and hopefully she's finally found the peace and happiness that eluded her in life. She's always been one of my fave. singers with her soulful, sorrowful, angelic voice, and I've been a fan right from the beginning of her career at age 20 and have all her albums.We have many things in common as well. from shaved heads, love of music and weed, being spiritual, mental health struggles, suicide attempts, toxic families,being different,etc. and I've always admired her voice, her rebellion, her strength, resilience,style, uniqueness, etc.The world won't be the same without her and her loss will leave a hole in my heart just like it did when David Bowie, Tom Petty,and Eddie van Halen died.

I also heard there's a nude cruise and the good of it is at least you can travel light and only need a Carry-On and no checked luggage to worry about getting lost since you don't need to pack any clothes and if I wasn't so fat and disgusting I might actually consider it,and the Meth-Heads that rent the house on the other corner also have a nice boat in their driveway I wonder where they got that from and how they could ever afford it so my guess is they probably stole it from the marina and yesterday I also stepped on a rusty nail on my backyard porch and it went in far enough the bottom of my foot was bleeding so I probably have tetanus now since it's easily been over 10 years since I had a tetanus shot but I'm not too worried about it because I want to die anyway and once Buddy's gone I have nothing left and nothing left to live for anyway, and no reason to carry on, and the 16 YR old says I'm "obsessed" with him because I love him, and sadly once he dies I also won't have anyone that loves me anymore,either. I also wrong thought I had a few "pain-free" days because I didn't have any abdomenal pain even though I still did have back pain, so I guess I really have no idea what pain-free really is, and my cousin is in Montego Bay, the same place I was and even flew First Class,too! Ooooh!

We're also getting 50 mm rain today and yesterday it was really, really windy there must have been a tornado somewhere nearby and we also have a severe storm warning today, and one of my mother's nurses also knows how to dry and press roses so she's preserving her roses I gave her and now they're hanging upside-down to dry and my hubby said that crane in NYC that fell and collapsed him and his brothers used to see it from their view every day too so they left just in time and on the way home from Owen Sound he passed thru Collingwood as well I lived for 9 months back in the 80's and he said it's all built up now, with a Cineplex and brand-name stores and paved roads,etc. but when I lived there it was a dinky little town with dirt roads, one small cinema that played the same movie the entire time I was there, and the only store was Zellers. 

 I also told him to pick up groceries on the way back since we're running out of food but of course he didn't ( he said he "didn't have time" but surely there must be grocery stores somewhere between Owen Sound and here)so I said for sure today and then post-pone visiting my mother until tomorrow( originally I was going to today but we need food, most important priority first) but then he said he has pickleball tomorrow, even though he spent a week  already on vacation with his brothers doing stuff for him and now we need stuff too,  and he even got mad at me and snarled at me, Why don't you just shut-up? when I complained about not having any food and when he got mad at me I couldn't cook dinner even though he didn't get any groceries like I asked him to and I had nothing to cook,but he's so selfish and has no regard for me. He never has.It was nice  with him not here to tell you the truth.It was like a vacation for me,too.

I thought we had a strong family that loved each other but I now realize we only have tolerated each other.