The Earring.

Guess what? Good news! I actually found my lost earring yesterday and by accident,too! I went out onto the front veranda to give Buddy some fresh water in his dish and as I bent down to re-fill it I saw it! There it was, on the ground in front of the Muskoka chair under the hanging fern so it must have fallen out of my ear when I was either watering my plants the other day or filling Buddy's water dish. I'm so glad I found it! Yay! Today( so far,anyway) we have no water as there was a watermain break and it's being repaired so no water for a bath this morning(I feel so dirty) or to do laundry or to cook but we luckily have the Culligan water still to drink( we don't drink tap water,anyway; you might as well just drink out of the toilet) and I have really bad pain in my lower left abdomen as well; it even woke me up; a searing white-hot pain I wonder if my colon might even be twisted or blocked and when I die(and now with my mother infirm) it'll be solely up to my hubby to take care of the 16 YR old( who still isn't old enough to be on his own yet) as the 28 YR old can't even take care of himself or live on his own and he can't even keep a plant alive.I also saw my Angel Bird again yesterday; it landed on the fence on the porch right in front of me.

I also visited my mother( and check out another LTC home today) who had bad leg pain and I told her likely from not walking ( use it or lose it) and she was sitting up in a chair and this time supporting herself( and not slouching over or slipping down) and even went in the commode with them pushing her in the wheelchair and she looked more alert and awake, too, which is progress, but still delusional as she told me a Black Angel came out of nowhere and picked her up and lifted her into bed when she wanted to sleep; all by himself,he reached his arms to her and she lifted her arms up to him, and he was big and strong and said, "Don't worry; I can do it myself; I do it myself all the time" and I believe in angels(I've even had encounters myself) but this one I think was in her mind because otherwise the nurses would have noticed she somehow got back in bed on her own and would have questioned it but no one said anything, First of all when she said "Black Angel" I thought she meant the Black Angel Of Death and it freaked me out but she just meant that the angel was Black, like Black people. With her not home anymore to interfere, meddle, undermine, over-rule me, over-step boundaries with my kids, etc. there's also no stress, strife, tension, yelling, fighting, etc. anymore, either, and everyone gets along  and it's so peaceful now so she must have been the problem all along,too, even though everyone always blamed me.

I also realized that even though I've always been told and been made to feel that I was never good enough that in reality I was just doing too much for the wrong people, and the other day I reminded my hubby that before anyone else even woke up I had already taken Buddy out twice, done my computer, cooked, done laundry, watered my plants, done the garbage,etc. and he said, Do you want a list of all the things that I do? when I just wanted some acknowledgement, some validation, because they think I'm lazy and don't do anything and they don't even realize half the things I do or the sacrifices I've made, and I even married someone I didn't love( and against my better judgement) so my kids wouldn't be illigitimate and because I couldn't live with the shame and guilt of having kids not being married and even though society no longer cares and there's no stigma anymore it still matters to me, and I got an app't next month for my endoscope...but they never mentioned anything about the colonoscopy and I'm supposed to have both together at the same time, and I checked online at some of the LTC homes as well and only one had anything; the others nothing showed up or it had a safety warning as an unsafe site(probably not a good sign it's a good home,either), and last night Buddy scared me as well; he kept making these "jerking" movements kind of like hiccups except they weren't and he was whimpering and whining but it eventually passed and whatever it was really agitated him and I was worried. and he was really panting and had his tongue hanging out.I was afraid he was having trouble breathing.

There's a thousand different shades of darkness Coloring our faith The past is dead, the future's haunted What happened to today, today?-Ozzy Osbourne