A Beautiful Suicide.

Yesterday scrolling on one of my online entertainment sites I came across this hunk(I have no idea who he is, apparantly some 36 YR old named Josh from one of those lame-ass Bachelor or Bachelorette  reality shows) and I thought, Ohhh, he's handsome!  so I paused to check it out and was sad to see that he had commited suicide(which has since been proven false). It said he had suffered from bipolar and depression and past suicide attempts( like me!) and it made me think that, sadly, depression and mental illness is not just "limited" to us ugly people, but that even the beautiful suffer from it as well; mental illness and depression doesn't discriminate. It just goes to show that you can be good-looking and seemingly "have it all" and still be miserable and hate your life.It's sad about Sinead O'Connor as well, now she's dead everyone says how talented and wonderful she was and how much they miss her and what a great loss, etc. yet when she was alive no one told her; they all just made fun of her and called her crazy. Maybe, just maybe, if they'd only told her those things when she was alive and she'd only known how much she meant to so many people she might not have killed herself? I also got my app't for my follow-up gastric endoscopy: 31 October and despite my stomach acid pills increased I still have the cough,too, so maybe it's something else, like a pulmonary embolism or lung cancer, or something?Or, maybe I'm just a big pothead?😂

Yesterday morning poor Buddy also suddenly had a big swollen bump on his face under his eye that kept swelling bigger and bigger and went all down his snout and eventually took up half his face and almost shut his eye and I guess is likely an insect bite, maybe a spider, bee, or wasp, and it was itchy too as he kept rubbing it on the carpet, his blanket, my leg, etc. so I gave him some Benadryl by sneaking the pill in a chunk of meat he just  quickly scarfed down and didn't even notice and the swelling lessened but is back again today although not quite as bad so I gave him another pill and if he dies before I leave for my trip or while I'm away there's nothing to come back to and nothing will matter anymore and everything else is meaningless, and the 28 YR old said he "looks funny" with his swollen face and he pointed and laughed at him and then he whimpered and cried; he hurt his feelings! I also put some of the Emla anesthetic cream on his swollen face for pain.My poor boy. It also took 15 minutes( and I know because I timed it) for the stupid Google Home device to get the radio station on (it's always f*cking up)and when it finally did I'd already missed the news and it was just redneck sports on so I had to turn it off,anyway! Just MY "luck!" Shit!

The 28 YR old also got this jade bowl to drink Chinese green tea from, and I remember as a teen I had 2 jade bracelets as well; a green one and an orange one(and back then in the early 80's I paid something like 350$ for each back when I had $$$$ so I wonder what it would cost now in today's $$$?), and one day as I took my winter coat off the jade bracelet also came flying off as I pulled my arm out the sleeve and it went flying and smashed on the hard concrete floor and I felt shattered along with it. I also bought flowers for my mother on the way to visit her only I forgot my credit card! I'd left it in my backpack from the "Ex" last week( and kept it there for my trip which will also be my carry-on ,not thinking I would be using it in-between) and I was sooooo embarrassed but luckily my hubby was there to pay, andthe 28 YR old  still continues to "razz" me I'm "obsessed" with my mother because I call her daily and visit her(even though I'm just doing my duty) and I'd hoped he'd visit me if I was in the hospital or old-age home and he said "maybe once" and my hubby said "at least that's more than the other kids would do" (they wouldn't come visit me at all, and they haven't visited her,either, and yet they claim to like her, and they've only phoned her once.)They're just NOT "nice" people. Her room-mate was ok yesterday,too, sometimes she is, other times she's nasty but she has dementia too so maybe that's just the way the disease is? It's like she has 2 different personalities. It must be hard for her husband though; to see the woman he loves change and decline like that; to "lose" the person he once knew and loved.

My hubby will also be gone for 5 days starting tomorrow(yay!) between helping the 27 YR old move and going to NY for a chess tournament and I asked him when the actual tournament was; is it just Saturday and Friday and Sunday are travel days, and he said it's Saturday, Sunday, and Monday and I asked when he comes back and he said late Sunday night.....so I said it doesn't make sense; how can it go until Monday if he comes back Sunday and then he raged and said I was stupid and said condescendeningly(like he always does to me) and talked "down" to me and said What part don't you understand? and I said the part about coming home the day BEFORE it ends and he realizes and corrected himself, realizing HE made the mistake by saying Sunday( and it wasn't just me being stupid) and said, Oh, I come back Monday night....forgetting that Monday is the Labour Day holiday, yet NO apology for blaming me or for calling me stupid. Like I said, he's a colossal asshole.

Oh, but I'm tired of holdin' on To a feelin' I know is gone I do believe that I've had enough.-REO Speedwagon