Shitstorm.

Yesterday morning I had to prep for my colonoscopy 3 days before by taking 2 laxative pills to start clearing out my colon.....and within just 2 hours it started. The cramps were soooooo bad I was doubled-over in pain I almost passed-out and it took my breath away. I also kept shitting myself raw and it just squirted out like water and my poor ass was all sore it was just awful and I kept shivering and feeling chilled and I couldn't even take the pills I usually do for the cramps either because they also stop diarrhrea and that's what they want, to clear out the colon so I just had to suffer; all I could do was smoke weed for relief. It lasted all day and every few minutes I had to run to the bathroom and squirt out more. It was horrible but that's not even the worst of it; the night before I have to drink this god-awful  150 ml solution I have to force myself to chug down and that has the same effect plus I can only drink liquids all day,too, no solid foods so tomorrow is going to be one horrible, awful day in every way. Ugh!

I also got more sunflowers yesterday at the local grocery and the 28 YR old had a hearing test as he has tinnitus( his whole life) but he has above-average hearing( it turns out he just likes his music loud) and sad as well: my mother's new room-mate was told by the nurse to eat as she "has to get stronger so she can go home" and the old lady replied, "I don't know where home is,anymore" and the nurse said, Four Seasons(or whatever the name of the LTC home is) is your home" and she said, "It doesn't feel like it" and I just thought it was so sad, and I still have seeing Foreigner and Billy Idol live in concert on my Bucket List as well, and I'd hoped to see Van Halen  as well even though they broke up I was hoping for a reunion but now Eddie's gone that's out of the question, and I wonder as well if Buddy being annoying now and getting on my nerves  lately with all the barking and peeing on the carpet is maybe God's way of helping me "disconnect" and "detach" a bit so I won't miss him quite as much when he dies so I won't be quite as upset, sort of making the blow a bit "less" so there won't be anything holding me back here anymore?

It's tragic as well the devastating wildfires in Maui and that's the same place I went to years ago as well(I went to pretty much all the Hawaiian islands) and I loved Hawaii, and yesterday the 28 YR old didn't want to eat the stuffed pasta shells I made for dinner thinking they were "contaminated" as I had left it out on the counter to cool off  so I suggested he "trade" it for one I had put in the fridge to save for my lunch today and he agreed....so I switched them  but then he still refused as I had put it on the same plate (to save dishes to wash) and then he said it was still contaminated  bacteria being on the same plate and said how dumb I was. I can never "win" or get it right no matter what I do. Life is really hard when you're stupid but at least I do try.

So when the sun comes streaming in 'Cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again If you only look around You will be found.-Dear Evan Hansen