Indigenous Aboriginal Native People First Nations Summer.

We still have nice warm summer temps in the 20's and now it's even been updated to be 30 C (or even hotter!) next Mon, Tues, and Wed! Yahoo! It's what used to be called Indian Summer but now you'd probably have to call it something more like Indigenous Aboriginal Native People First Nations Summer. Whatever it's called I'll take it! It's glorious and I can still sit outside and Buddy and I enjoy soaking up the sun! Things have also been going oddly well lately,too: I had an awesome,amazing trip, Buddy's doing well, and my mother's happy in her LTC home and no longer living here with us, making home life much more bearable,so I just hope nothing happens to "jinx" it, yet even so it's also sad at the same time to realize that I have no hopes or dreams left anymore; I've done it all now and there's nothing left to look forward to anymore; I've raised my kids and now they no longer want nothing to do with me, I've done my travelling and Buddy's at the end of his life, so now what? There's nothing left. It seems like everything's just "wrapped" up and come to an end now.

I also realized that people who are autistic, bipolar, schizophrenic, etc. aren't "crazy", either; just on a different frequency.

My stomach pains' also really bad again today; I even woke up with it, and I only wish I knew what I did that was so "bad" and why the kids hate me. Whenever I'd ask all they'd say was You know except that I don't; I have no idea and I keep wracking my brain to try and figure it out.

Is it just because I'm autistic?

Bipolar?

Because of things I can't help and have no control over?

Is it because I raised them to know God and made them go to church?

Because I raised them with values, ethics, morals, standards, and boundaries?

Because I tried my best to protect them from the evil, sin, and bad influence of the world and public school like sex, drugs, gangs, violence,the occult etc?

Because of trauma we had to live in hiding and on the run for so many years?

Because of trauma we didn't trust outsiders or let anyone else in?

Because I set rules and had expectations for them?

Because I valued education?

Because I wanted them to concentrate on school and didn't let them date until they were 18?

Because I was molested as a kid and didn't allow sleepovers?

Because I was protective and not permissive?

Because I wouldn't let my girls dress immodestly?

Because I was a mother who did my best to protect my kids?

I may never know but whatever it was I'm sorry and I meant well and I tried.

Got to keep on walkin' on the road to Zion.-Damian Marley