Never Good Enough.

Yesterday my hubby was scolding me the way I took a pot out of the dishwasher( and then the 28 YR old joined him and chimed in criticizing me) I was doing it "too 'roughly'" when it was stuck in there and I was struggling to get it out, so instead of trying to actually help me get it out they just stood there and told me how I was doing it wrong and I was "going to 'break' it" etc. all the while I had no idea( or intent) to break it; I was just trying to get it out, and later on my hubby also chewed me out for not bringing in the bags of groceries in, saying, Don't you see them right there? when in actual fact I didn't because I was looking straight ahead at him and NOT looking down  at the floor and he was mad that I walked right by, but for him even a slight over-sight by me becomes a gross infraction that must be berated and can't ever be over-looked, and as if that wasn't enough for a day Buddy was barking out in the yard smelling my chicken cooking in the oven and I told him to shut up, trying to be considerate of the neighbours, and an asshole next-door yelled over at me, You're louder than your dog! (even though HIS yelling was even louder than me!) and I felt so humiliated! No matter how hard I try it never makes any difference; it's(and I'm) still never good enough and still always annoy people and get taken the wrong way and misunderstood, and I don't care specifically what he thinks but it is disheartening to always be belittled, berated, criticized, shamed, and everything, all the time, even the smallest things, esp. when I try so hard. I hate always being so stupid, autistic,inept,never good enough.It's really hard being such a sensitive soul.

I also visited my mother yesterday and I brought Buddy with me as it's still too soon to leave him again as I've only been home a few days and he was good; he just whimpered a bit in the car, being nervous, and good news! After 4 months of laying in bed now with Physio 3 times a week she's able to walk on her own down the hall, with them following behind with a wheelchair to "catch" her if need be! She had her hair cut as well.She still likes it there,too, and says the food's good and she's happy there, and she wanted us to get her a snack from Arby's  still,too, and I told her we're already paying 2K a month for that place and she has food there and she said I was being "cheap" like when I had the oldest and the 28 YR old in Europe when they were 16 and 11 and I refused to pay 10 Euro each for an ince-cream because it was too expensive and I told them to just wait until we got back on the ship where they had ice-cream, but my hubby ended up getting it for her,anyway( he never says no to her) and so then I said I wanted a Greek gyro too since he was already getting food but the cheap bastard made me pay for mine even though he paid for hers! She also said she went to a Methodist religious service but I think all faiths lead to the same destination and God doesn't play "favourites."

Here I am also sharing an ice cream treat with my best friend and Ukraine's Zelensky was also in Ottawa speaking to Parliament and they also had an old Ukrainian war vet who fought in a Nazi regiment in WWII and they actually gave the old Nazi a standing ovation if you can believe it and now Jewish groups are outraged(as they should be!) and this shithole is on the wrong side of history, and when I said schools shouldn't be indoctrinating kids with gender idealogy, enviro propaganda, or any kind of political agenda(but just teach reading, math, science, geography,etc.) my hubby (who used to agree, and one reason we homeschooled our own kids) snarked that the Catholic schools "indoctrinate" them with religion but they're Catholic schools; the parents want religion taught; that's why they send their kids to Catholic schools, otherwise they'd send them to public schools! Duh, but public schools should stick to the educational subjects, period.

In this photo here you can see my hair growing out a bit longer for the cooler weather but this week's nice still, like summer in the 20 C-range. Nice! I can still sit outside! Woo-hoo! Today I also noticed these weird purple "spots" on the inside of my left leg beside the knee. It's always something,isn't it? Now I'm back home from my trip my stomach pain's back,too.

I guess every form of refuge has its price-The Eagles