The Dominican Diaries Continued.

DAY 4 FRIDAY 15 SEPTEMBER 2023:

Last night I was the only one watching the sun set at the beach; just me and the sea, like a special gift from God, and I find the sea mesmerizing; I always have. After the beach I go right to the pool(and it makes me miss our pool even more) and I float on the surface moving a bit so people don't think I'm dead, and it's astonishing as well the number of unattended kids at the pool it just shocks me; when my kids were little I was paranoid about them with our pool; we have fences and gates and locks and I never let them alone near it and before they learned to swim they always had to wear lifejackets near the water! People here are all ages,too, from babies, to kids and families and in their 20's up to seniors and some Dutch, German, Russian,etc.( they've come far!) and the water's not azure like in other Caribbean countries but not brown like back home,either, and it'sd warm,too, and I haven't seen any fish, and I'm so tanned now too I look like an Indian!

I also had scary dreams last night that both  Buddy and my mother died while I'm away and the demon Loki kept harrassing me and I had to call out the Name of Jesus to save me and when I died Buddy carried me to the Other Side. I also saw a fat woman with a regular-sized guy and he kept hugging her and loves her just the way she is and doesn't care that she's fat and I wish I had someone that loves me like that,too, but Buddy's the only love I have in my life and that's why I hold on so tight; he's all I have and once he's gone it's all over and I know what I have to do. Tonight's sunset over 20 people were also in the water bobbing around and looked like buoys and one kid kept throwing sand into the water and then a big wave knocked him over;sort of like "revenge" and the waves are strong enough to knock down a big hippo like me and even keep washing up "walls" of sand against the shore and even washed up a baby palm tree(that was really sad) and the birds keep going crazy(loco) too so I wonder if a storm is coming in?

I'm pretty sure I saw a trans woman, a lesbian couple and 2 gay couples as well, and when I asked the waiter for 2 drinks he asked if there were 2 of us dining  and I said I was just really thirsty, and the food's really good,too,different lasagnes, cannoli, Chinese noodles,etc. and I have Pina Coladas but without the rum but people see me quickly gulp it down and must think I'm an old drunk, ha, ha! I also watch videos on the TV from Mexico and Colombia and all the guys look like gangstas and all the girls like ho's (and my fave Spanish word is puta) and always shaking their booty all the time,too! What's up with that,anyway?I also have a pin now to hold up my loose saggy bathingsuit and I'm surprised to see so many kids here too, esp-. with the new school year just begun.

DAY 5 SATURDAY 16 SEPTEMBER:

I'ts nice here and I like it and I'm having fun( and a much-needed break from the shithole) but my heart will still always belong to Jamaica.It's hot as well, 33C and 34C ( 19 C back home which is still warm for this time of year) and I eat waaay more here than back home so I'll probably end up gaining back all the weight I lost but I also swim and walk(my sore muscles can testify to),too, so maybe it'll all balance out? You can tell who just arrived too because they're not tanned yet and there's more people at the beach and in the pool today so I think more must have arrived and many Spanish speakers too so maybe Dominicans on vacation like how back home people go to the cottage; here they go to a beach resort?  The salt water also cured my itchy, stinging eyes and my allergies but the sand and sea salt in my butt crack is annoying and makes my hair itch and I think I'm getting a yeast infection in my pussy too from the wet bathingsuit, and the TV went off last night so I never had any music and kept waking up and the resort is a Spanish-style villa 3 floors but luckily I'm on the main floor so I don't have to walk up stairs, thank God.

There's lots of babies here as well I don't understand why people bring them; what kind of "fun" vacation is that? (I never travelled with my kids until they were 8 years old) and I also heard on the news the most dangerous international border crossing is the US-Mexico border which surprised me; I would have thought it would be the North-South Korea border, and I also found corals and shells in the sea and the flies here are really small( and not big suckers like we have) and when the mosquitoes bite the itch doesn't last as long,either. and I made an app't at the resort hair salon for a "fade" cut, my holiday treat to myself for tomorrow and I called home and Buddy really misses me and always cries by the front door waiting for me ever since I left, thinking I abandoned him and it makes me so sad and I even half-expected my hubby to lie and say he died hoping I'd kill myself( drink down a whole bottle of rum or tequila- and since I don't drink it would be "extra" potent- with a bottle of pills) in response.

I also found some Cuban cigars for the 28 YR old, a pack of 5 for 60$, the same price for just one back home, and there's lots of kids here now,too, and so noisy I got a headache and I also enjoyed plaintain and onions( it looks likean over-ripe banana but tastes more like potato) and cassava root and also had a nightmare I had my throat cut , squirting blood so I knew an artery had been severed, and the 27 YR old, 24 YR old, 22 YR old and 20 YR old were there and I told them I haven't got much time left; 2 minutes or less, but I was sorry for whatever I did to fail them and I loved them and once I "crossed over" I was sad to see they watched me bleed out right in front of them and they still never cared and I told Buddy I loved him and for them to take good care of him. I no longer miss the 20 YR old,either; not the way she is now,anyway, but the way she was and what we used to have but I've healed now.

DAY 6 SUNDAY 17 SEPTEMBER:

Last night's dinner was Dominican food , traditionally from slave plantations; rice, pumpkin, deep-fried flatbread, even something like Middle Eastern kibbe,etc. and Spanish is such a beautiful language,too, and I'd love to learn it( and Italian,too) and last night a waitress asked me,Why you eat alone? and I told her I came by myself ( the 28 YR old used to say All by self! when he was little)  and sitting on the beach digging my toes in the sand and letting the waves wash over me I felt like a kid at the beach and it reminded me of when i was a kid at the cottage and lake and when the skirt on my black bathingsuit floats up and fans out in the water it looks like a stingray!  I also saw someone with one of those old-fashioned Polaroid instant cameras like I used to have when I was 12 and I haven't seen one of those since the 80's and I wonder if I die before Buddy  how long he'd wait at the door for me,too, before he'd finally give up or would he faithfully remain every day until he finally died himself? That's why I hope we both die together.

There's beach vendors selling trinkets like maracas( they ask 20 USD for them! Outrageous! No way!) jewellery,etc. and there's an American(I can tell by the Southern accents) medical conference here as well and the doctors all strut around the resort wearing their scrubs and there's this one girl with long blonde hair in a bikini I also dubbed Barbie, and it's fun to watch the other guests and wonder what their lives are like back home,too; their families, their jobs, and if they're happy, and my hubby and the boys also went to Toronto and met up with the 27 YR old and 24 YR old and saw this 6 story-high giant duck at a waterfront festival and left poor Buddy home alone all day with no way to go out to the bathroom( it would serve them right if he shit all over the house!) and I'm furious ; they told me that they'd take good care of him( my hubby snapped, We're NOT staying home just  for a stupid DOG!) and it's irresponsible and cruel and now he'll feel even more abandoned and alone!

I'd really like a little place, just Buddy and I ,too, but what do I do for $$$$, plus I don't really want to leave my home and all the memories in the house; the kids grew up there, yet I've had  it with my hubby and I want out, and I think I may have found the cause of my stomach pain,too:

stress and anxiety!

I don't have it here but when I think of home it starts up again and I had Chicken Cordon Bleu today as well and every meal is like eating at a fancy restaurant and I got my hair cut today as well and in the hot afternoons after my siesta I sit in the shade under a mangrove tree and tomorrow is my last sunset at the beach as Tuesday I leave for the airport before 7pm( when the sun sets here) and I also see alot of guys wearing the Panama hats like the 28 YR old has.

There's nothing quite like beach Therapy:

The sea breeze, the sea salt, the air, the waves, the crash of the waves against the shore, the sand, the water.

God is good.

I got a few of my own fault lines running under my life.-Tom Petty