Due-Date.

Today 12 October was the oldest's original due-date but he was born 4 days later on the 16th after 24 HRS of labour. He turns 34. My God, I just can't believe it; it really doesn't even seem that long ago that I was prego with him! For the past couple of days it's been 12 C (only 5 or 6 C overnight! Yikes!) so Buddy and I have been able to still sit outside for a couple of hours once it warms up in the afternoons(it's cold in the mornings) but I have to dress like this now( see photo above) and cover up with a blanket but at least I still get fresh air and a bit of sun. Today and tomorrow it's even going up to 15 C and sunny so that will be nice but then back to cold and rain again but I get out and enjoy as long as I can. It's also dark more now too so I brought the scented candles out. For the past couple of days my throat also hurts so either I'm getting a cold or it's just from smoking so much weed but I also have a headache too so it's probably a cold coming on. My stomach pain's been really bad as well and tomorrow would be a good day to die: Friday 13th and when I do I think only the oldest and the 28 YR old would be a bit sad, but only for a bit and wouldn't last for long and they'd quickly get over it.Buddy would, of course, but I plan on dying with him. I'd never leave him behind.

They also showed on the news last night salmon swimming upstream the Credit River to spawn and it reminds me of myself; always going against the flow and in the opposite direction  and yesterday my hubby wouldn't pick up my food for dinner either and went to pickleball and made me wait until just before bedtime and I was starving and he snapped, You're lucky I even get it at all!  I'm just so fed-up with the abusive and demeaning way he treats me and I know deep in my heart I should divorce him and that's what I really want to do but I also know in reality what would I do for $$$$ and he even told me once if I did that he'd just quit his job so that I get nothing. 

I feel so stuck and trapped in my own life. 

I want to snuggle up someplace nice and cozy and warm and just disappear.

Yesterday and today the 28 YR old is also working for one of his fave. clients, the Wonderful Mr. C who has an opulent house with cherrywood( my fave. wood and what our piano, Grandfather clock and china cabinet is made of)  interior and wood carved, stained glass and priceless art, and I just love  the old-fashioned Century homes with character, and when I read the words seem to "flow" along smoothly too, like the ebb and flow of water and the letters even "curve" and I wonder if that's just an autistic thing and only something I see or if others see it,too? It makes me laugh too how British people call cookies "biscuits" because biscuits are what I give my dog, and they're trying to force an MP out of the gov't now too for posting Free Palestine online( she is of Palestinian descent) denouncing the oppression Palestinians live under occupied Gaza and if you don't follow their "narrative" you get censored and punished(even fired!) and it's censorship and silencing free speech, like the Nazis did! This shithole you can't even have an opinion (or show support for certain groups), not if it differs from what the authorities tell you.

They'll be burning books next.

Fly by night, away from here Change my life again Fly by night, goodbye, my dear My ship isn't coming and I just can't pretend.-Rush