Every Sunday.

Yesterday I visited my mother at her LTC home just as I do every Sunday and this time my hubby and the 16 YR old came too as for some reason their badminton was cancelled. She was complaining about a certain PSW that she doesn't like and another one while I was there asked me if I was a nurse and I told her, No, just a mother and for some reason realizing what I'd just said made me feel sad, like I haven't "accomplished" anything in my life, and my mother said she watched an occult movie about witches too(so now I'm the only one left in the family who hasn't turned away from God!) and proceeded to tell me about it but I told her I wasn't interested and didn't want to hear about it, and looking at the kids' photos my mother still had trouble figuring out who some of them were, incl. the oldest and she gasped, THAT'S him? THAT'S what he looks like now? I never would have recognized him! and she said it in a sort of disgusted way so I didn't ask further because I know it would be something mean and she asked for a different photo of the second oldest 'with her hair down, so she'd 'look better'" and I told her that was a mean thing to say  and she said the 22 YR old "looks like a vampire she saw in a TV show"and she said there's a resident there who's rich,too, and she pays the extra 400$/month for a private room and has a TV in her room too which is an extra 50$ a month and a phone for 25$/month and gets her hair cut every month as well for over 30$ and last night it was so cold it was 0 C I'm now wearing my Rasta hoodie( "Drug Rug") and Ugg boots.

Yesterday I also spent all day listening to the new Rolling Stones album and my hubby complained about leaves that had blown into the house from when the door opens but instead of just cleaning it up he complains to me and expects me to do it but if it bothers him so much he can clean it himself ( why does he expect me to do everything?) and you know how him and my mother always like to goad and provoke me(and think it's "funny" when I get mad) and how he's a "shit-disturber"? I found out it's actually common for narcissists to do that; they like to have "power" over people to get reactions and the best thing to do is to just ignore them and walk away, and last night the 29 YR old was cooking and he cut up a big onion and today the entire house reeks of onion! Yuck!

The 16 YR old has bad acne,too, but I'm hesitant to take him to a doctor (which he doesn't have,anyway)for it though as I don't want to point it out and draw more attention to it and make him feel even more self-conscious about it, and besides, it's normal for teens to have acne( I was lucky in that way though; I hardly had any, just a few zits here and there, probably because I have really dry skin) and the 25 YR old had it really bad  when he was a teen and even the dermatologist was horrified and gasped it was the 'worst case he'd ever seen",(I'd always wondered if the chemo he had for leukemia when he was 7 might have caused) likely making him feel even worse, and put him on Accutane which worked.....but he also attempted suicide when he was 17,too,which apparantly is a side-effect of Accutane and I DON'T want to risk that again! It's better to have pimples (which you eventually out-grow) than to be suicidal!

My hubby also said him, the 16 and 29 YR old had planned on going to BC to visit 3 of the girls over Christmas and leave me home all alone which was really hurtful( they didn't even think to ask me if I wanted to come along,too) but then decided against it as the airfare was too expensive ( something like 600$ each; you can fly to Europe for that!Airfare in this shithole is outrageous!!) and even though in all honesty I'd probably have a much better Christmas alone without them(and not have to do all the cooking ,either) and less stressful  it's still mean they think nothing of just leaving me alone on Christmas, and again proving that I never was a part of this family and no one ever wants me around, and my hubby's such a I-can't-even-think-of-a-word-to-describe-him- he even actually defended SATANISTS  saying they kill LESS people than "in the name of religion" (nevermind the HUMAN SACRIFICES, incl. virgins and babies ,and the fact that they worship Satan!) even though killing is wrong regardless, and even said that GENOCIDE isn't always bad,too, and that the Nazis didn't think they were "doing anything wrong" in the Holocaust and that Israel doesn't think they're "doing anything wrong" trying to wipe out the Palestinians in Gaza; it depends on how you look at it and I blasted him telling him GENOCIDE and wiping out an entire race, religion, or ethnic group of people is always wrong no matter who you are or how you look at it! Sometimes I wonder if he actually believes  this shit he says or if he just says it to provoke me?

Building me a home Thinking I'd be strong there But I was a fool Playing by the rules.-ABBA