Chicken Milk.

Yesterday I had a festive holiday treat to get me in the Christmas season mood: eggnog with nutmeg! I have to take my lactose pills though because it has milk. The 29 YR old used to call it Chicken Milk when he was little ( he's always been a funny guy) because in French "eggnog" is called Lait de poulet  which  translated means chicken milk (or more directly milk of chicken) and now ever since then that's what I call it,too. I also got an e-mail last night from The Bay saying the boots I ordered was canclled so I sent their customer service a letter telling them I was really looking forward to it and I'm so disappointed and they suck and I'm pissed-off and demanded an answer why and this morning I got a reply: an inventory problem but something in my head told me to not give up and so I ended up finding another place that sold them and I ordered it again( everything is always such a hassle for me all the time!) and ended up saving $$$ plus got free shipping! It cost 239$ but with tax ended up 270$ and the others were 289$ so I ended up saving $$$ so it worked out in the end; I just hope this one doesn't end up cancelled, too! At first I even wondered if my mother maybe cancelled my credit card( like she's threatened to do before) and if she did I'd never visit her again because I need it not only to shop online but to buy anything.It's my lifeline.

I also spent all day yesterday pretty much looking for the Oaxacan Mexican embroidered peasant blouse I want for my birthday (like shown here) and I did find some on Etsy and eBay  but they were 200$ or more and the ones more my price were all too small( when you're fat it's hard to find clothes that fit) so I just have to keep looking, but with MY "luck" if I do eventually find something it'll probably end up actually just being a cheap T-shirt from China with a floral print on it or something, and both yesterday and today my fatigue is soooo bad and extreme I can hardly keep my eyes open and my pain was so overwhelmingly bad yesterday too I must  have cancer between the unrelenting fatigue that consumes me and the worsening pain sometimes I think I'm going to collapse, and I've had Scopes before,too, and never had follow-up visits( and even had the same doctor 2 months ago as I did last time)so it's NOT the usual procedure, making me think the biopsy must have found something.

I also found this photo and this is what my pram I had as a baby looked like and I also had a mini version as a kid for my dolls and I remember my mother saying as well when my parents were first married in the 60's on their Honeymoon in the Bahamas they bought land to build their future retirement home but when they split up when I was 2 they sold it which is too bad as if they still had it maybe now I'd be the one living there in my tropical paradise and Happy Place with him dead now and her in the LTC home, and and last night I had a nightmare Buddy had seizures and was dying and then he turned into a rodent with rabies that bit me and I didn't care if I got it and died as I would soon join him because once he dies it's all over and the end for me,too, and this morning my hubby did a big smelly shit in the toilet next to the tub where I was having my bath,too( even though he knows I hate it which is probably why he did it and I've told myself from now on to never settle ever again) even though there are 2 other bathrooms he can use and yesterday he got the snowtires put on the car at another place I heard you don't need an app't for; just walk-in. He just had to wait as there were 4 other people ahead of him but in this shithole one thing we're used to is waiting.

I also got this warning and ban from Twitter for my post even though I didn't think the term "white trash" was "hate speech" esp. when I'M white myself ( sort of like when Black people call eachother nigga but if a White person uses the N-Word then it is hate speech) and I thought since Elon Musk took over we had more freedom of speech and not so much censorship, and you can always tell when the 29 YR old's been in a room as all the lights are left on, the TV's been left on, the toilet seat's been left up, and the front door's been left open and yesterday he went out at 3;30 pm and said he was going out for a walk but as I layed in bed at 11:30 pm trying to sleep he still wasn't home so that must have been a looong walk (did he walk all the way to Toronto or something?)or else he got lost but he never tells me where he's going; they've all always been so secretive, and the Toronto airport was also in lockdown for 2 days in a row due to someone wrongly directing passengers to a restricted area without passing thru security and I can't say I'm surprised; half-assed as usual and it was voted the worst airport in North America for a reason.It was Terminal 1 ( the domestic flights) but I always take Terminal 3 (international) so it wouldn't have affected me anyway, but still.

How long to the point of no return?- Kansas