My hubby finally found the sunflowers 2024 wall calendar( shown here) I've been looking for! He found it last night when he was out! I could have also ordered it online except they charge 20$ for shipping which is the same for the calendar and I'm NOT spending 40$ for a friggin' calendar! I also sat up and reached over in bed last night to cover up Buddy and I suddenly felt this overwhelming sharp searing tearing pain in my upper back that felt like something was ripping in half and it was so bad it made me fall backwards onto the bed and I honest-to-God thought something was dissecting ,like my aorta or something or it was an aneurysm bursting or something and I was done for....but then it was gone but holy shit I literally saw a bright blinding light and I just gasped and it sucked all the breath out of me! I wonder what the hell it was though? I've also been really sweaty the past few days as well I even slept topless the other night with the window open at - 7 C. menopause really sucks and can kiss my ass!! Lately Buddy also makes these "wheezing" noises like he has trouble breathing and sometimes I even see his sides "indent" inwards as he struggles to draw in breath and I'm pretty sure this will probably be the last Christmas for us both. I also spent my entire life trying to find the Best Dog(and friend) In The World and almost 10 years ago I finally found him!
As for the guys being away a few days over Christmas and Buddy and I here alone at home and not being invited I've never felt like I'm a part of this family anyway; it's like I'm just there in the house like a boarder, but at least it will be much less stressful and more peaceful for me this Christmas though without the 27 YR old not visiting ( so it works out better for me, actually) as he's always given me "bad vibes"(just kind of dark, creepy, and sinister) and every year gives gifts to everyone else except me,too(and it's every single year,too; it's not like just being an asshole one time!) and it's a really shitty cruel thing to do to anybody and what kind of person does something like that,anyway? it's just mean, and at Christmas time,too? The 16 YR old also won't go into a room if I'm in there( he purposely ignores and avoids me) either and if I come into a room he's already is he'll get up and leave,too, and how do you think that make me feel? My family are all such assholes and treat me like utter shit (I;m the scapegoat in a narcissistic family) and then they wonder why I feel so disconnected from them?
Every time I go outside to smoke weed I also always see my Angel Bird( an extra brilliant bright red cardinal) who flies over to me and perches on a fence and sits right in front of me I'd like to think is a sign, visit, reassurance,or message from Heaven, and this morning we had an amazing pink sunrise but it's also a warning of the freezing rain and snow we're getting later in the day and I'm getting my tattoo tonight too after my hubby finishes work and I'm excited for and had my last one over 5 years ago; the Dachshund above my heart for Buddy, and the 29 YR old boiled eggs and thought they were hard boiled but cracked open they poured out, soft boiled so he didn't cook them long enough( only 7 min. instead of 10) and he asked me if I'm eager for grandchildren too and I told him not particularly; I've already gone thru all that shit with my own kids and not eager to go thru it again and I'm done, plus I also don't want to end up a grandmother like MY mother over-stepping boundaries or interfering, and I also heard a radio ad for the Covid vaccine( Clot-Shot) and they said Not 100% effective and may cause serious side-effects and I thought to myself, Who the f*ck in their right mind would ever take that?
Dance like nobody's watching.
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