getting met with the “your too annoying” “just shut up, my god” “you talk too much” pissed me off enough to where i learned how to small talk, and how to talk like a neurotypical and used it to my advantage. yet i avoid conversation. and also internally battle to not bring up south park. (usually im just on my phone to keep myself busy to avoid dealing with that) although im still pretty blunt, monotone, and straightforward, and i hate sugarcoating. Passive aggressive people piss me off for that reason. Because it just feels like they don't have the guts to be direct about it. I wonder if neurotypicals only hint the way they do because they just dont have the guts to say what they wanna say. People often call me rude or cold because of how i speak, but dont give a shit.
Dont know if its normal for an autistic person to know how to give hints, beat around the bush and talk like a neurotypical, yet cant take hints sometimes, or mistake regular talk for a hint.
Learning that autism is a thing that i never wanted from the start and that ill be stuck with for the rest of my life really hurts. Ive picked up many neurotypical skills and learned to be very good at masking in an attempt to combat this, to the point of doubting my own early autism diagnosis. But its still there.
Ive made a lot of neurodivergent friends for this reason. They tend to understand me better than most because they know how it feels. Even if they have ADHD and not autism, hell, i have the ADHD + autism combo so they at least understand a little bit.
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