Another Side Of Autism.

I got this off Quora and it's so true, so accurate, and about another aspect of Autism rarely discussed; the loneliness of it, not being like other people, being an outcast,being different,not fitting in,being an outsider, unable to connect with others and having trouble making friends:

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Answered by 

Bethann Siviter

2h

Autistic people, what are you struggeling with the most? Could you give some examples?

I just want friends.

Some people have a dream about flying off to Tahiti, or meeting some big celeb, or having a big house… I just want, just once, for someone to call me and say “Hey, we are going out, can you come?”

The funny thing? I’d probably say “no”.

I don’t understand how “friending” works. I know I am weird, loud, and completely unlikable, and so flugging clueless I don’t even know why. I mean, my voice is loud from both autism and a degree of conductive hearing loss. I can’t help the way I see, or more often don’t see, the world.

When I get nervous I can’t shut up. When I get too nervous, I can’t talk.

I’ve reconciled that my funeral will only have those who are paid to attend… but it hurts when I could give so much to someone who would let me.

It hurt that the only thing standing between me and the work I used to love is “yes, but we are looking for more of a ‘people person’” or “Except, that you are too “academic”…”

I’m not a bad person. I would stand up for anyone who needed it. I am honest, blunt, direct, intelligent… and friendless. At most, people tolerate me. I don’t understand how the whole thing works. My husband says “you have friends…” but I can’t see them. I’ve got a flugging genius IQ, and there are 4 year olds who are better at this than I am.

As I said, I’ve reconciled that this is just who I am… but, if I could change anything, I would have friends.

I realise this sounds pretty pathetic- but I’m just trying to tell the truth. My whole life I couldn’t understand why I was an outcast, the weirdo, the one only in demand when there was work that someone needed help with… when others couldn’t accomplish what I could, and then it was ok to suck up and pretend to like me- I knew what they were doing, they weren’t the first- then drop me like a disease when the work was done. Belittle me behind my back, so smug and superior.

I never spoke of their falsehoods, their bullying, their intentional infliction of pain… because to everyone, all that was ok because I wasn’t.

If I could change one thing… I would make the world realise that we are people, people who can hurt, people who are lonely, people who crave acceptance and love- just like they do.