As a child of two narcissistic parents I can tell you how it feels to grow up under a narcissist. You never get a strong sense of self because you learn before you learn your own value that you are only valuable when useful to someone else.
You learn to live with one eye always looking around the corner and to have eyes behind your back because you never know what surprise is coming next to attack you.
You learn that you are never good enough, basically unlovable and invalid, but that possibly, if you work hard enough to please and be self depreciating enough you will be granted a reprieve from your fault.
You learn that words are just words and today's praise will be forgotten tomorrow and one mistake you make will bring you down to zero in an instant.
You learn to doubt yourself and your own sanity all the time, constantly checking your emotions and doubting their validity. You learn to live like a zen monk, always thrashing yourself just to make sure that the burn from the master isn't as hard to take as it was yesterday.
You learn that your life is full of pain, betrayal, self effacement, tears, shame and self hatred.
To unlearn all that is a life's work.
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