Buddy Update.

Buddy is still holding on, thank God, but he's still not eating or drinking( 3 days so far) his body shutting down as it prepares to die since his most recent stroke the other day and I don't think he's able to bend his neck and head down to be able to eat and drink anymore so I now have to pry his mouth open and spoon-feed him soft mushy food and then he'll swallow it. He also just plonks down to go to the bathroom and gets his underside all wet and I have to dry him off. If I put a diaper on him he'll be just like my mother! Now he just lays around and sleeps all the time wanting me to just hold him and yesterday it looked like he was likely having Focal seizures most of the day too; his eyes kept twitching and blinking and quickly darting back and forth and he wasn't focusing or responding but it wasn't a full Tonic Clonic seizure as he wasn't unconscious and he wasn't stiff or shaking. It just breaks my heart though to see him "losing" himself like this and fading away though and I know what's coming and I know he doesn't have much time left and I'm grateful for the 10 years that we did have together and it was longer than I thought we'd have, esp. since I didn't get him until he was already 8 years old and even though when he die it might be a mercy for him it will destroy me.

I also let Buddy linger longer when he's outside so he can enjoy feeling the sun and breeze on his face(that he loves) a bit longer in case it's for the last time and today it's going up to 13 C too ( and most of the snow has all melted now,too) so we can even sit outside again and I just hold on to and enjoy every precious moment that we still have left together as well, savouring each minute we still have and  whenever I leave his side even for a moment( to go pee, have a bath,etc.) which isn't too often he'll bark and call me back and always wants me by his side which I am pretty much all of the time now anyway and whenever his time comes I hope it's peaceful and that he has a good last day.

Did you also know that Easter lilies smell like Froot Loops cereal? (and look! We still have the Christmas tablecloth on,too!)My mother also called the newly-minted 17 YR old yesterday for his birthday and I told her about Buddy as well and she said she's in isolation now too and confined to her room like a prisoner due to her cough and they did the Swab test thing where they shove a big Q-Tip type thing all the way up your nose practically up iinto your brain and dig around and now she's worried they may not let her out for Easter dinner here but I said if not we'll just show up Commando-style and bust her out like a jail break. It still hurts to remember as well the 24 YR old visited her and gave her a gift for Christmas yet never stopped by to see me just 15 minutes away, an obvious snub,  and I used to think she was one of the nicer ones but she's just like all the others and now that will be the last memory I have of her. It's also been 2 weeks now I've had the virus and I still have the cough and yesterday I also felt cold all day and was shivering and had chills but today I feel all hot and sweaty and I still feel all woozy and faint and really weak and out of breath like I'm going to collapse. I also noticed the lymph node near the back of my left ear is swollen and tender  so maybe Buddy and I will die together (I hope!)and when I die I don't want a service or funeral either because no one loves me or cares about me and no one will even show up anyway. I just want my ashes and Buddy's scattered together along the beach(my Happy Place) in Jamaica so we can be together forever.

Best friends soon become friends. Friends become acquaintances, and acquaintances become strangers.-Rohan Jain