Still Here.

Buddy's still here, still holding on but the only thing he ate yesterday was a kangaroo jerky the 29 YR old gave him(and he really enjoyed it,too!) but then shortly later he barfed it all up. He's not even drinking either so I have to give him water with a syringe and then he eagerly slurps it up so he's thirsty. It rips my heart out knowing he's dying and watching him dying knowing I'm losing him yet also knowing I can't do anything about it.

  He's all I have.

 He is my everything.

 He is my life.

As long as I have him I have everything. Without him I have nothing.

Losing him will be a hurt that can never be healed.

 I don't think this time he's going to "bounce back" like he has all those other times. I'm constantly holding him in my arms all the time now except for when I'm in the bathroom and when I leave he'll bark for me to return to him.I also hold him and we rock in the rocking chair I know he likes and finds soothing, like I used to do with the kids when they were babies.Each day could be our last (and one day it will be)and I just want him to know how much I love him and how much he means to me and that I'm thankful to him for being the best friend I've ever had and for loving me, esp. when no one else could. I know that everyone must die sometime and that nothing lasts forever( esp. the good things) but it still doesn't make it any easier in actually trying to accept it when the time comes.

The terrorist attack in Moscow also shocked and saddened me because when I was there it was so safe you could even walk alone at night and feel safe but now nowhere in the world is "safe" anymore, and some people are saying the solar eclipse next month is going to be some world catastrophic event, the kind where animals flee to higher ground and Internet goes out and you need to stockpile up on food,bottled water,  batteries, and other emergency supplies,etc. so it remains to be seen if that's actually true or not and time and will tell. Maybe it's when Jesus will return, who knows? P. Diddy or Puff Daddy or whatever he's calling himself these days is also being investigated for human trafficking so now I guess his new name can be Pimp Daddy then?

If we didn't receive love as children, who will give it to us in the future?-Stefani Fleck