It’s an existential exhaustion of life.
Being left out is part of it but it’s much larger than that.
It’s tired of difficulty communicating with everyone. Being misunderstood and presumed things that aren’t true, and then being unable to speak up and correct things due to not being believed or the other persons ignorance dictating the situation to suit their delusions of life.
You can’t work because well, you are not seen for the strengths you have. You’re seen for the differences you are. These differences usually carry negative connotations by allistic people. We are labeled and judged over frivolous things, because it’s not exactly the same as allistic people. Being a fraction of a fraction of a fraction different and it’s enough to deem you not worthy of being human according to allistic people.
I believe there is also feelings of being threatened and jealousy for how we present often knowing and siding with facts, science and objective reality. This makes allistic people feel inferior in my opinion.
The problem is the allistic persons feelings are invalid (but superior), the autistic person isn’t coming into the scene with ego, dominance or conniving and yet unfairly we are still seen as threats, shown that we don’t belong. I learned a long time ago people don’t like being corrected, even when from an autists point of view we are just trying to educate.
People would rather enjoy their delusions that keep them warm in a cold world rather than accept reality for what it is. I guess I’m ranting now.
The exhaustion is existential hence the higher number of autistics killing themselves because allistic people make life hell or impossible for autistic people simply for just existing and breathing the same air.
You can thank many autistic people for your ability to read this answer on the internet. They are the ones innovating, exploring the bounds of the world, learning, engineering and making music and more.
Imagine if we actually accommodated and supported the autistic population instead of suffocating them.
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