Corki.

Today is child # 10's ( the second-youngest's) birthday: she's 21 and I sent her a Corgi ( she loves Corgis) birthday card and also this cute Corgi/cork thing("Corki"...get it?) and even though none of the kids even bother to send me birthday or Mother's Day cards I still send them cards on their birthdays and for Christmas; it doesn't mean that I have to be an inconsiderate thoughtless asshole like they are; I can still  be the "better" person. It's sad to think too that for none of my "milestone" birthdays that I never got a party or any sort of special celebration or recognition to commemorate it,either(even when others around me did) not for my 16th, 18th, 21st, or 50th birthdays, they were all just like the rest, nothing special because I've never meant anything to anyone and an not worth celebrating. Yesterday as I was sitting outside the blossoms and pollen also kept blowing around from the trees and landing on me which isn't so good for the allergies and I could feel the upcoming storm and knew it was going to be a good one( or a bad one, depending on how you look at it) which it was as it was(with torrential rain!) really windy and dark and I had a massive headache just before(and during) and it was eerily quiet out, even the birds were silent.

I also saw either an eagle or a hawk yesterday flying overhead but it was too high up and far away(I don't see too well) and the sun was in my eyes to see what colour it was to be able to clearly identify it for sure but by the shadowy outline I could see it looked like an eagle by the size and shape of it and its wingspan and curve of its beak and it feels like I have that "lump" stuck in my throat again I have to keep clearing , and it's hard to believe it's been a whole year already(last May) since my mother went downfill and crashed fast and was bedridden and needed home care and went to the hospital and then eventually moved into LTC and  every fall we have to let the water level in the pool down at least half-way so in winter it doesn't crack the concrete walls when it freezes and expands and now it's all back full again between all the rain we've had and the melted snow and it's 9 feet deep!!

I was also sweating like a pig yesterday as well so much the sweat was just dripping off me so it was either humid or it was just more hot-flashes from menopause again and I also had the best mind-blowing orgasm ever,too, my vibrator deserves an award,and for the past 2 days my upper back hurts so much I want to scream( usually it's my lower back) and the 29 YR old told me that the Frog And Toad in the book series  he had as a kid are actually supposed to be a gay couple. Really? I never knew that and I just thought they were friends but Ernie and Bert from Sesame Street I always wondered about though and I always thought as well that the Boys Of Summer (like that Don Henley song) was referring to a summer romance, to boys you just see over the summer and then they just sort of fade out of your life but apparantly it's about baseball! Who knew?

Yesterday it was also 8 days and I still hadn't received my bath-bombs ( and it's for Mother's Day in 3 days!)or even an e-mail indicating they'd been shipped like I normally get and it normally arrives in about just 2 days or so so I contacted them and they said since it's a new line( I'm even getting orange, lemon,lavender, and chamomille ones this time,too!) it's later and not to be expected to be shipped until around the 20th....

awww.....shit....

so not in time for Mother's Day....just my luck.....

but then....

I got an e-mail later yesterday saying they had shipped it out *yesterday *(all of a sudden it was available?)and it should arrive today

so my guess is it it actually got forgotten about and either the order was just left hanging somewhere and never got filled in the first place or it was sitting in a warehouse someplace and never got shipped....In any case it's good I called them to check.

Why do these things always happen to me though?

In my life I've had to face fears I was not prepared to face, many times over.