Happy Mother's Day!

Today is Mother's Day and these are the flowers I got myself and I also picked tulips from our garden and went and got lilacs last night,too(see photos), so now our house is all filled with flowers in vases in rooms all over the house and it just looks and smells so wonderful (and the sweet aroma of lilacs was the first thing I smelled when I got up today) and it's the Little Things in life like this I enjoy the most. I don't expect to hear anything from my ingrate kids today,either,but I'm also NOT going to let them ruin my day,either, and I started it off soaking and luxuriating in my new bath-bomb and I used the orange one today which even had 8 chunks of real orange in it! It was pure bliss! Other than that it's still a usual normal day and I still have to cook, do laundry, garbage, etc. because a mother's work is never done, despite my hubby and the 29 YR old saying I'm "lazy" and "don't do anything" and when I said I'm retired they laugh I "can't be retired when I never worked" as if though raising and homeschooling 11 kids isn't work but they scoff it isn't "real work" and I "don't get paid" and it's "easy and anyone can do it", as always demeaning and devaluing me and when I told them all the things I do they said it's "not much" so I should go on strike( or die) and then they'd quickly see how much I actually DO when they have to do it all themselves.

It really hurts my heart.

Dishes is the one thing I don't do though as bending down to load and unload the dishwasher just kills my bad back(but do they care? No) but I still have to do them when my hubby goes away for the weekend (but is that ever recongnized? Also no)and to that he smirked why didn't I do them yesterday then when he was away but he was just playing pickleball, not out of town so it doesn't count, and it hurts me too how they never acknowledge the things I do but instead just always harp on what I don't do  and can no longer do due to my medical issues and age and it's never enough  and never good enough and it really tears me down and wears me down.

I really hate my family.

I'm also going to visit my mother today and when I'd mentioned this to my hubby saying I want to go in the afternoon he said it depends on HIS schedule and what HE'S doing( because he's a selfish narcissist and it's always about HIM) and I told him, It's always about you  and revolves around you and your plans and your schedule but what about me and MY plans and my schedule, and besides, today is Mother's Day; it's MY day. Can't you NOT be a selfish asshole and give me ONE DAY a year? I also wanted to get the new Tim Hortons mango drink the other day when we stopped off and he refused to pay saying if he got it that it "would count as my weekly snack" because it cost nearly 5$ and I had to end up paying for it myself with my own$$$ because he's such a cheap bastard. He's also going away for a weekend later this month to NY for another chess tournament and to Chicago next month for another. Yay! I just feel so free and unencumbered when he's not here, almost like my old life I had before I met him.

When I used to have some happiness in my life.

I miss the Old Me and my Old Life.

I feel like I can breathe again.

Yesterday when I got my lilacs it also incl. a walk along a pathway beside the water and I loved it (even though I got so out of breath I could hardly breathe)and it reminded me of being by the lake at the cottage as a kid and I've always loved the water; it's almost as if it 'calls" me to it and I've always wished I could live by the sea, and I also saw a groundhog in the grass,too, and on the weekly Flashback radio show yesterday they highlighted 1979 which was one of my fave. years of my life( as well as 1978) and it was honestly the last time I can honestly and truly say that I was genuinely happy. I've had happy moments intermittently along the way thru the years but it's not the same thing as actually being happy. I also couldn't find Buddy this morning and I panicked.....and he ended up snuggling on the floor amongst my hippo stuffed toys( it was cute actually) and he blended in , and it reminded me of that scene in E.T. where he was hiding with the stuffed toys so the mother wouldn't notice him.

The 17 YR old finally tried to cut the grass yesterday too but the lawn mower wouldn't start and just sputtered....so my hubby declared it officially dead and we have to get a new one.....great....just great.... yet another expense we can't afford.....

and we really can't as he went to the store to look and they start at over 500$

so he just came back and looked at it and saw the problem and ordered a replacement part( thinking and hoping he can fix it himself)

and it should arrived on Wednesday.

In the meantime there's this enviro-freak movement called "No Mow May" where everyone is encouraged to NOT cut their grass all this month to "encourage" pollinators so maybe everyone will just think it's that why our grass is so long...😂HA!

Nothing really matters to me.-Queen