I found this on Quora and it perfectly describes my life and how I feel and how it feels living with my hubby the narcissist.
Answered by 3h
Here are some facts:
- Everyone, except the narcissist, will walk on eggshells every moment of every day to avoid getting into an outburst.
- Every birthday party, holiday, or celebration will be ruined, either before you leave or on the way there because it's not about them.
- If you put your attention elsewhere, they can't handle it. So, you'll be screamed at or shamed in some way for paying attention to someone else's happiness.
- They feed off your pain, embarrassment, and tears.
- You'll look at them, begging them to understand and show compassion or empathy, but they won't. You can see it in their eyes; they don't care, and it empowers them.
- You'll want them out of the house, but you'll also crave their presence when they're gone.
- While they're home, you don't want to be near them, but their presence somehow comforts you. You'll hide in your room while they are in another room, hoping they'll see you, but they won't.
- You'll constantly wonder if you're good enough each day. Yesterday you were happy because you felt good enough, but today you're sad because you don't. Nothing you do will be good enough.
- You'll become addicted to something just to escape the pain of feeling worthless. You'll feel like you can be thrown away at any point.
- You won't have access to money unless you hide it around the house. You'll feel like you're slowly burning from the inside out. You'll cry, staring at the wall, trying to figure out why your feelings are wrong. You'll feel like a defeated robot sent to please them.
- You'll hide when you hear their car pull up, getting knots in your stomach. You'll be blamed, targeted, lied to, manipulated, and told to get a life when you do.
- Their family and friends won't like you; they'll think you're worthless. They'll tell the narcissist to get rid of you. You'll constantly wonder if they'll come home happy or mad.
- You'll start to mimic their traits because you're lost inside. You'll beg for them to be removed from your life. You won't get a full night's sleep. You'll be responsible for everyone's emotional well-being in the house, neglecting yourself.
- You'll be ignored for days or weeks, as if you're not even there. Then, everything is forgotten and swept under the rug until the next time you upset them. You'll lose sight of your hopes and dreams and doubt every move you make.
- You'll never have someone meet you in the middle, no compromising. You do what they want, how they want, when they want. Your needs are neglected and insulted. You'll end up feeling crazy, lost, depleted, confused, and helpless. Love isn't supposed to feel like this, is it? They want you to stay like this, as long as you stay, it will be this way, forever.
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