Slice & Dice.

My hubby had his knee surgery yesterday and came home around 4 pm. He said it didn't hurt too much but just wait until the "freezing" wears off! HA! I got a scare,too: I noticed how bright red his entire leg was; all the way down to his foot all the way up to his thigh; it was a bright red,too, like a sunburn and I worried he had a bloodclot or infection(although he didn't have a fever and it wasn't hot) and he said it was just the antiseptic they put on even though that's usually orange, not pink, and I was all set to send him to the ER but I did a "test" first: I sprayed carpet cleaner on part up top and rubbed it.....and luckily there was pink left on the tissue so it WAS just antiseptic afterall. My mother also phoned to check-in to see how things went and he said the last thing he remembers before he drifted off was them putting the oxygen mask on in the OR and didn't even get to the part where they tell him they're putting the anesthesia meds thru the IV, and it was funny,too; he was so "groggy", foggy, and disoriented all yesterday from being knocked-out and drugged-up,too, he'd been home a few hours but insisted he'd just woken up from surgery 30 minutes ago even though they keep you in the recovery room for a few hours afterwards to make sure it "wears off" enough.

He also wasn't able to swallow to eat all yesterday and last night, his gag reflex still "frozen" from the paralytic and breathing tube and whenever he'd try he'd start choking and gagging( he was hungry though after fasting over 14 hours) and one time he quickly and suddenly lurched forward in his recliner chair  while choking when I was standing right in front of him, slamming the chair right on the "knuckle" part on my toe and holy f*ck did that ever hurt; it might even be broken, and the gross thing is he can't shower or get it wet for 48 HRS,and he thought he was still able to play chess too even though his mind was "mush" and he hardly even remembered how the pieces moved(ha,ha) and they gave him Tramadol for pain which is better than Tylenol  but not as good as Percocet and I'm glad everything went ok and I was praying it would and even though we don't get along I still don't want anything bad to happen to him, so maybe I'm NOT such a terrible, horrible, awful person afterall?

The other day when I ordered something online I was also shocked and pissed-off to see at checkout they had a spot to check for a tip; for an online purchase where I do all the work! Are you serious? Are you kidding me? This tipping culture has gone waaaay too far, and I won't pay a tip either if I have to pay a delivery fee,either; I pay one OR the other, but not both.Otherwise, why would I pay for the same thing twice? I prefer it better in Europe where you don't have to tip. I am also currently devoid of indoor flowers and it feels empty and a loss, like something's missing, almost like a part of me is missing and I think my mother will live 3 more years as well, to 86, and I like hearing the cicadas buzzing and before I used to think it was wires overhead buzzing from the heat, and the other day at the festival we smelled weed too and my hubby goes, Something stinks!!  and I was like, Oooh! 'Da Blessed Herb! It makes my lungs horny!

I also noticed now I have a bunch of flabby, loose, sagging skin on my arms and legs from losing weight and it just hangs there and looks like saggy-baggy elephant skin just like on my belly from having the kids and I have no problem leaving my toxic family behind and ending that chapter in my life and starting a new chapter but the problem is that there's nothing to start over with and for, no future, nothing left once Buddy's gone; he's all I have left  now and I've already done everything I wanted to do ( have kids and travel) so there's nothing left for me anymore TO start over, no future, no plans, just a big blank.

This is the last  final chapter.

This is where the story ends.

Life without a care But you're not there.-The Cult