Just Another Day.

Look closely. Can you see him?

There's a black squirrel (I named Blackie, reminding me of those horse stories I used to read as a kid; Black Beauty, The Black Stallion,etc) sitting perched up on the fence eating. He's just to the left of the pool ladder. This morning it's also a cool 10 C but going up to 23 C later on. It's also the first day back to school here and you can almost feel the collective anxiety and dread in the air. The poor kids. I can still clearly remember how worried, anxious,and scared I always was on the first day back every year (one of my biggest causes of stress as a kid) and so much so I was literally sick to my stomach. I will never regret homeschooling my own kids even though I hated it.It was best for them.

I also had trouble( like usual with everything I do in life) ordering my weed the other day. Even though it was a holiday the website said they were still open so I made my order online and kept waiting for the delivery...and waiting...and waiting....and it got to be 8:30 pm( and they close at 9 pm) and it still wasn't here.so I just went to bed and the next day as soon as they opened I called them and they said what happened was it WAS closed(and never should have said it was open) but my order DID go thru( it was waiting there for them in the morning) but no one was there on the holiday to receive it or to deliver.....

but then....

they called back(twice!) and told me it wrongly said it was a cash payment(and not my credit card) so they cancelled it and I had to re-order it all over again(it figures; I just hope I don't get charged twice on my credit card statement) and then they called back again saying one of the items wasn't in stock and do I mind if they substituted( it was still 7g but a bit more expensive but they said they'd cover the extra so I didn't mind.)
In any case, later yesterday it finally came and they even gave me free bonus gits too for all the trouble; stickers, matches, and rolling papers which I thought was nice so all is forgiven.

My hubby also said after work yesterday  at 4 pm he would go to the pharmacy and pick up my BP pills(I only have a couple left; he should have got it Friday but he was away and also the holiday weekend and they were closed Monday) and to check at the consignment store for my Cranberry Collection glass vases....except he couldn't be bothered and  instead he was up on his computer playing chess online until 5: 45 pm and they both close at 6pm (not giving a shit if it's just somethig for me) even though he played chess all weekend; he's just so inconsiderate and always ruins everything for me and his little hobbies always interfere with other duties the family needs, but he made it just in time and of course, with MY "luck" the vases were long gone but I signed up for their e-mail subscription so whenever anything new comes in I'll be notified so if any more of them arrive I'll know right away.

My hubby was also asked to go to some pickleball thing next Monday which is the same day as my ELO concert and at first he told them yes and then checked his calendar and saw the concert already written down and scowled to them, No, I can't, my wife ruined my plans which is a crock of shit because I already had the concert reserved FIRST. months ago, and I needed help opening a tin of meat for Buddy as well as the metal twist key thing broke off( of course) and so I asked the 29 YR old for help and he just stood there and said the can opener won't work but never even tried to help me and just stood there mocking me watching me struggle, saying, It's like watching a caveman, and for my whole life I've always held on to false hope too(hope that people will be nicer, that things will get better and look up, that things will change, that my Time and my break in life  will come, etc. even though it never does) because it's the only thing that keeps me going is hope.

Over the holiday weekend neighbours also had friends over and I could hear them talking and laughing in their yards and I miss having friends,too, although my friends weren't actually real  friends; the religious ones it was only conditional upon being part of the group and when I left  they dumped me and shunned me, esp. the Jehovah's Witnesses but even some of the Mormons,too de-friended me on Facebook  once I left, so they weren't  actual real friends and the others(non-church) all either used or betrayed me, or both, so sometimes I think maybe I'm just better off on my own, just me and my dog.

Haunted and tortured by the threatening silence of things never said and things never known or the love never felt.-Mandy Mayhem