Alone Time With God.

I got mi locs!

I'm so pissed-off right now this couldn't wait until tomorrow; I needed to vent and so here we are.

I hate my family and I hate my life.

I'm ezxtra disappointed, fed-up, tired, sad, weary, angry and resentful of my toxic family and shitty life today I just wanted to cry.

So I did.

I quietly slipped outside in the dark with my bong, looking up at the stars and cried silently, alone with God, talking to Him and just letting it all out, only without anyone else seeing or knowing.

It's almost 13 YRS I've had chronic daily pain now, and I'm just so tired of my shitty family and the way they treat me, and of my bad luck and misfortune, my medical issues,being me, my struggles, being fat & ugly,disappointments, hopelessness, regrets, traumas, damage,etc

I just want it to end.

Enough. already!

God, are you listening?

Can I come Home now?

Mi dreads came.exactly 78 of them.....but they're alot darker than I wanted and the photo showed; these are more dark chocolate colour mixed with some black even, waaay too dark; it was supposed to be a blend of light browns.

I want to cry.

 I almost missed the delivery too but at that exact time I looked out the door and there the guy was in our driveway package in hand on the way back to the truck and just left me a note to go pick it up so I called out to him, Hey! Is that mine? and he said it was and brought it back and I asked why didn't he ring the doorbell( we even have a note up on the door saying so!) he claims he did but my hubby was sitting right there in the livingroom in his recliner chair  eating his lunch watching TV ( so redneck, I know,right?)almost next to the door at the time and didn't hear a thing( unless he's deaf like me?) so I don't think he really did....

and then...

on top of that I had to also pay 45$ duty tax on top of that too(I *hate* this shithole!!)

*taxation is theft*

and I already had to pay 50$ for shipping,holy f*ck that's an extra 100$ on top of what I already paid...and it's not even the right colour I wanted!

F*CK!

F*ck my life!

Oddly it was Canada Post  that delivered it too so I don't know what happened to DHL...and as for mi dreads it's an "upsweep" but my hubby just shrugged in dismissal, It's the same as before.

and then as well today,too:

My hubby brought us back snacks but at Wendys (which I think is gross and don't eat except for the Frosty) and I was really hungry too as I knew he was getting food so I didn't eat and hadn't eaten since 10:00 am(and it was then 6 pm)...and he brought me this disgusting spicy chicken wrap thing that tasted like Tabasco sauce on a tortilla with a chicken strip(I'm not eating that!) so I gave it to the 30 YR old(who seemed happy with it) and told him to go back out and get me a proper snack, food he knows I actually eat and he refused(even though he was the one that f*cked it up!) and even tried to excuse it that "it was on the list"( he has a list of menus of stuff we order out on his phone) but there's NO WAY  I put that there since I don't even like Wendys (and he knows it!) and the only time  I even had one of theirs was that time 7 YEARS ago after the now 21 YR old's app';t at the hospital and we stopped off and I tried the spicy  chicken sammich( but that was the sandwich even so, still NOT the wrap) and I only tried it once and didn't like it.

So then I said to give me his credit card at least so I can order-in something and he refused that,too, so here I am now:

I missed out on my snack I was looking forward to.

Still hungry.(now even more so!)

Mad and hurt

disappointed

fed-up

sad

weary

pissed-off

angry

deflated

hopeless

I hate myself, my family,and my life.

...but one good thing today is I also got these cool scented candles: cranberry and gingerbread.

Always try to look for the good, even in the bad.

You can't run away from you.-Ozzy Osbourne