Blessings.

 For the update on my mother's passing yesterday see last night's post titled Sunset.

I still can't believe she's gone.

She would have spent her first night last night on the Other Side.

I saw her in my dream last night too and she was wearing a turquoise T-shirt with a penguin on it, and if I remember correctly I'm pretty sure she had one like that years ago she got at the San Diego Zoo. I feel mostly still just numb but when I really think about it I am happy for her though; she's in a better place, happy, free, and at peace, and the 30 YR old( who stayed over at his GF's last night again) also told me he finally did go in to visit her the night before she died,too, and it makes me wonder if maybe that's  what she was holding on for; waiting for him to come visit to say goodbye before she could let go, esp. since she died just the very next day? I'm glad he went too, so now he won't feel badly. It's also really foggy this morning as well(and so mild too I even had my window open overnight), esp. at 5 am when I got up which I think is fitting to match the way my heart feels,too. I'm also suprised she died now, in Dec. too as most people in our family die in May.

Tomorrow I'm also going to the LTC home for one last time to wrap things up and to let them know she won't be coming back so they'll stop payment on her room(good timing,too, at the end of the month) and they can set it up for someone else and I'll go and clear out her stuff( oh, my God, that's going to be hard, and knowing my hubby he'll probably just leave me alone to it too) as there's no point today being a Sunday and no one administrative will even be there,anyway, and she won't be having a service or anything, she didn't want anything,just a private cremation(she never did say what she wanted me to do with her ashes,either, so I'll just put her in the china cabinet with my Cranberry vase collection in the diningroom I guess) and she already had everything all pre-arranged and paid years ago with the funeral home which I appreciate too as I'm just not up for it,anyway, and it's one less stress for me, and I am grateful that there were blessings,too along the way:

She never did suffer or was in any pain the whole time and mostly just slept as her body shut down, and she died peacefully, and we were given 3 weeks to prepare and expect the outcome, as opposed to have it just happen suddenly, and she was able to say goodbye to everyone, and she did have one last Christmas like she wanted as well, and she lived to see her grandchildren grow up, and she did have 16 months in the LTC home where she was happy and made friends and had activities she enjoyed and a social life and I am thankful  to God for, and despite everything I choose grace and forgiveness(and I hope MY kids do the same when I die,too) and will remember the good times and not the bad, but it's going to be hard to live without her though because she's always been here.

When life gives you a challenging circumstance , you weather it as well as you're able.-Philip