Christmas Recap.

It's almost over now and at first it sucked but then it got better and in the end I ended up getting a gift afterall.

First of all, I didn't get any gifts at all, not a single one from anyone, and not even a stocking, which sucked and then the 30 YR old said I was being selfish for even expecting any gifts when it'snot even about the gifts but just wanting someone to care enough about me to show that they thought about me by putting the effort into getting something they think I'd like; that wanting to be loved and feel like I matter and that someone just cares isn't  being selfish.

 It just re-inforces the fact that no one gives a shit.

and that my family are assholes of the highest degree.

I visited my mother and they made me wait over 30 minutes too before they would even let me in to actually see her as the nurse was in there with her so I was pissed-off and I finally got in and she's actually now starting to show some signs of *improvement* and in 2 days it will be 3 weeks; they're going to "wean" her down to less oxygen support(yay!) and her colour looks better now and the edema and fluid retention is gone now,too, and she kept asking for a drink of juice which they won't allow for fear she'll aspirate and she's now able to cough well on her own as well which is progress. She's still drowsy though and again when I asked her if she still wants them to do CPR she said yes, even when I told her she might just stay like this .

Buddy doesn't like his gift; I'd asked my hubby to pick him up a squeaky toy when he was at Wal-Mart  the other day which he did.....except he got him the exact same squeaky chicken that he already has, so when I gave him his Christmas present this morning he wasn't interested. I guess he probably thought I was trying to pull a "fast one" on him and give him his old toy. My friend D( from grade 6) is also in the Caribbean, the lucky duck, and I was shocked as well to see J(from the old church) on TV news(and I know  it was him as it said his name) and he used to be sooo hot; he was such a hunk over 20 years ago....but I was surprised to see how he's .....NOT anymore; he's gotten fatter in his face and grey and he just doesn't  even look like the same person anymore now and it's just so sad.

At least I was always ugly to begin with.

Later on I guess the 30 YR old must have felt badly for me as he wrapped up a pair of his own cashmere socks( shown here) and gave it to me a a gift AND he even gave me a hug,too!!!! As well as that, I also got a Merry Christmas e-mail from the oldest so now I feel better.

...and so I ended up getting gifts afterall, plus the best gift of all: the gift of feeling that someone cares and that they were thinking of me on Christmas.💓

I also put nutmeg in my eggnog (I remember as well when I went to Grenada and they said they're the biggest exporter of nutmeg in the world) and the 30 YR old's going over to his GF's place and he packed his toothbrush yet still says he "isn't sure" if he'll be home tonight( so I know if we arm the security system or not) and he still insists she's "just a friend" too even though you DON'T cuddle up with friends watching TV or have sex with them, and I want to see Come From Away (the most!) and The Lion King  live performances so much too I'm even tempted to just buy  a ticket anyway( f*ck the price, who cares; life is short) but then there's the hassle of having to ask my hubby to drive me 2 HRS to Toronto....and then the 2 HRS back again....

 It's disheartening to realize that your best days are over and long gone now and there's nothing left to look forward to anymore.