Not Looking Good.

I just came back from visiting my mother and it's not looking good and I have a bad feeling about it.

I wouldn't be surprised now if tonight or tomorrow is The Day.😥

She was breathing very "raspy"  and making "gurgling" sounds with her mouth open(Buddy looks like that when he sleeps,too) the entire time and would cough and I swore she had a small seizure,too, as her legs would stretch out and her upper body went stiff, I hope not having a stroke, and could barely open her eyes and I could have sworn at times there were short periods where it looked like she wasn't even breathing at all and her BP would drop *really *  low as well; 50/70 and the monitor alarm would blare and the nurse said she's "been like this all day"

 even though when I called earlier in the morning she was fine. They also put a sort of catheter up her ass like they do with pee for her watery diarrhrea( due to the C-Difficile) to prevent bedsores( and so that way they won't have to keep changing diapers,either) and  her face and hair was all sweaty and her pillow was wet. 

I really think this might be it, and it's so sad, esp. so close to Christmas,too.

She seemed to be holding on.....and now this.

At first they wouldn't let me in to see her for 10 minutes or so as the nurse was in there and they act like she "belongs" to them, saying when family can and can't come in, and you can't just walk in,either, they have to buzz  you in and unlock the doors, just like how it was when the now 26 YR old was in the NICU for a week after birth.

I hate that place.

We also got a bit of snow and after 4 days of mail delivery back after a month-long strike all we got was one bill and a flyer from A&W (which is shit and we don't eat there,anyway) so they went on strike for that long and that's all we missed?HA! I would have thought the mailbox would have been stuffed! My Facebook friend'smother who just died was also just 61,too, the same age as my hubby but she was a smoker and alcoholic though,too.I also still have that massive headache, aching ears, sore neck, and now dizzy as f*ck,too.

I don't think I'll be sleeping well tonight, worried about my mother, expecting a dreaded phonecall....

"Even amidst fierce flames the golden lotus can be planted."-Bhagavad Gita