Drudging Thru Life.

I finally got all the paperwork done for my mother  and mailed them off and just as I knew I would I screwed it up; I couldn't find an envelope for one and I forgot to enclose her passport in another! I can't do anything right! I still can't get the news on the TV anymore,either; for some reason everything's 3 hours late still and even so the news doesn't show up and that's the only thing I even watch on TV and now I don't even have that anymore and I told my hubby when switching from my mother's name on the utility bills to put his name instead of mine as it makes more sense since he's the one paying them and coming out of his account(and not mine) plus that way when I die he won't have to switch it over again. Good news,too: Buddy hasn't bled in awhile now! I also saw the most backwoods ignorant thing online yesterday: a bunch of yahoos saying pilots should be male and white; I don't care what colour, gender, or race my pilots are as long as they can fly the plane! I can't believe ignoramusus like that still exist! If reincarnation is real and I get a choice I also hope next time around I end up in either the Caribbean, Greece, or Italy.

Today the Emperor gets coronated....ooops, I mean the King gets crowned....sorry, I mean Trump gets inagurated and it wouldn't surprise me if someone takes another shot at him again; it would be the perfect opportunity  and I wonder as well if Trump and Elon Musk together as a team very well might be the Anti-Christ,and as for me hating this shithole country my hubby also said it was my choice to live here and I told him it wasn't; I was born  here and I can't afford to move because moving costs $$$ which I don't have, and when I die I bet my toxic family will probably have a party,too, they'll be so happy, and then they can also sell the house like they want and start over and they'll also be rid of me and I'll finally be free so everyone will be happy, but then they'll also see all the things I really actually do around here that they don't realize; that they just seem to think "magically" get done all on their own but once I'm gone they'll notice all of a sudden don't get done anymore. It also feels like everyone avoids me,too; when I go into a room they'll leave and won't come downstairs until I go up to bed and when my hubby asked the 30 YR old if he's avoiding him he goes, I'm NOT avoiding you...alluding that it's me he's avoiding but they're doing me a favour as I prefer being alone anyway but I still think it's mean.

It also "gets" me too with the wildfires in California how in every photo I see that only the buildings are destroyed and look like a war zone( it looks like Gaza)...yet none of the trees, grass or other vegetation is burned; it's almost as if just the houses got "zapped" with something and we all know how trees DO burn in forest fires....just really weird...and the 30 YR old finally came back this morning after being away at his GF's for days, and he practically spends all day every day 24/7 with her and it feels like she's taken him away from us and I'm happy he's found someone but I worry he's obsessed with her, and he still hasn't got his unemployment benefits yet either( the gov't is always so half-assed and slow) and hasn't been able to buy groceries) so he has to mooch food off friends.I give him what I cook,too, but it's not enough for his voracious appetite and I can't afford the food he requires; he eats more than all of us combined!

Decision to now act as if I don't exist at all, is a shard of pain that dwells perpetually in my heart. I could never have predicted these things would land up sources of regret and misery, but here we are. Every wished-for thing has its dear price.-Philip