Here are more clothes I like and I think Buddy had a stroke this morning: he came staggering over to me, all bent and crooked(even his tail was) lurching over to one side, all weird-looking and collapsed into my arms, sort of out-of-focus and non-responsive and when I tried to stand him up he couldn't stand up and his legs just kept buckling under him and he kept falling over to one side. I just held him and cuddled him and gave him some CBD oil and now he's snuggled up here next to me and I worry this might be goodbye, just a bit less than a month before he turns 19 on 20 February.
I can't lose him though, and just a month after my mother died,too.
It's just too much and he's all I have left and the only reason I have to live.
Without him I have nothing.
He's the only reason that I still even keep holding on. He's my entire life and our hearts beat in sync and he's my soulmate and the best thing to ever happen to me and the best gift God ever gave me and I can't live without him.
When he dies, I die.
The truth, darker and harder to understand, was that each member of her family carried their own burdens in silence.-Sakota Sotome
I also saw a funny word to describe a hick-ass town: Farf*ckistan and in just over 2 weeks my hubby and the 17 YR old go on their 10 day trip to Edmonton and Vancouver to visit some of the other kids and have their "Christmas", without me there, just the way they like it and which is the whole idea, and the 17 YR old also has to apply for another SIN card too since he lost his original one and I had to give him his birth certificate to do so and I hope he doesn't end up losing that,too, and we're supposed to have a 100 KM/HR wind today as well!
I also think maybe my previous suicide attempts failed is because my mother still needed me here to help her; to arrange to her to get into the nice LTC home she was happy in for the last 16 months of her life because my hubby wouldn't do it( I can just picture him saying, She's NOT my mother!!) and the kids wouldn't bother; they just used her because she always paid for everything but I don't think that they really actually cared all that much and even though we didn't really get along as adults once I had kids of my own since she over-stepped boundaries with my kids and pushed me out and vetoed me and took over and over-ruled my discipline, turned my kids against me and her and my hubby always ganged-up on me I still did my duty and obligations to her, incl. also taking care of her affairs after she died, which I wouldn't have been able to do if I'd died first before her, but it's possible now that I might just end up out-living her by a month or so.
What no one sees is the invisible mark she carries — an imprint from the life she’s lived.-Sakota Sotome
It also looks like banker Mark Carney(you can't have a circus without a carny!) is being set up and being installed( election, my ass....) to be the new Liberal leader and temporary PM, despite having been seen in photos with Epsteins' GF and pimp/procurer of young girls for his Pedo Island Ghislaine Maxwell....mark my words....it's all pre-arranged and he's the one poised and pre-destined to get it.
They're all in on it.
What the world thought of as a “happy family” was actually a house of hidden struggles, where no one truly knew how to reach one another.-Sakota Sotome
No comments:
Post a Comment