I was supposed to die with him.
I just miss him so much my heart hurts.
Yesterday when everyone was out I tried it again.
I tried to carbon monoxide myself by lighting coals in my air-tight bedroom( windows closed, door closed, with a blanket to seal up the bottom of the door, the whole works; I had it all planned out)....
except I just couldn't light the coals for the life of me, not even lighting pieces of paper to help the coals ignite.
Why can't anything just ever work and go Right for me?
I'm seriously frustrated and mad and even at God for refusing to set me free and take me Home.
The idea was I just peacefully drifted off to sleep and never woke up but I can't even do that right.
I'm just a colossal failure.
Today I still feel all woozy and spacey and have a massive headache but I'm still alive.
f*ck.
Last night I also asked my hubby if the 23 YR old got home yet and he said it was "freaky" because she had just landed 30 seconds before. I bet the 21 YR old was glad to see her as they're thisclose and this is the longest they've ever been separated from eachother.
We are collected, we don't die alone.-Kathryn Irene Michaels
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